Till you say you love me
by AmaiTsumi
Summary: Human beings are such complicated creatures. When they develop a desire for something, there is no stopping them from achieving what they want. However, the more forcefully they try to achieve those desires, the more easily they get hurt... Translation of a Japanese fic from pixiv
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! AmaiTsumi from tumblr here~~~~

This is a translation of a popular KidLaw story by Ginshirou on pixiv. She has kindly allowed me to translate this wonderful work and share it with everyone, so do enjoy the story!

**Warning:** M content in future chapters. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Human beings are such complicated creatures. When they develop a desire for something, there is no stopping them from achieving what they want. The desires make their hearts hunger and crave. They find joy in thinking of ways to sate their desire, and revel in carrying out those thoughts. They act like children, bawling as if their favourite toy had been broken. And when they achieve their desires, they smile with joy and bask in supremacy. That is the nature of these frightening creatures known as humans.

However, the more forcefully they try to achieve those desires, the more easily they get hurt. More often than not, it ends with separation and regret. That is also the nature of these foolish creatures known as humans.

**XXXXXX**

...There was someone he wanted above all others.

Someone who was extremely precious to him.

Someone he couldn't even imagine losing.

**XXXXXX**

"I've got a girlfriend."

That was what Eustass Kid told Law four years ago.

The can of coffee he had been drinking crashed to the ground, spilling onto his clothes. The wind blew, and the now-empty can rolled away from him, yet Law did not notice as he stood staring at the man beside him, his mind totally blank.

"Oh... Congrats," he was unable to force a smile to go with the words. Kid sighed and crouched down.

"You got coffee all over your uniform. It'll definitely stain. What were you doing?" Kid asked as he pulled on the hem of Law's soaked trousers, looking up to his face.

"Sorry..." Law murmured as he stared at the coffee slowly seeping up his trouser leg. It was a cruel shock. His mind refused to register Kid's words.

Refused to comprehend what he had just heard.

Before he knew it, he was back home, curled up in his bed. His mind was reeling, stained uniform all but forgotten. He was too late.

Someone else had stolen Kid away before he could even voice his feelings.

Sorrow and hate rose up in his heart. He viciously fought them down, as thoughts of how he could get Kid to notice him started running through his mind.

He knew that he was being irrational, but he couldn't stop himself. Kid not being at his side hurt.

He did not want to imagine losing his place beside Kid.

He had to do something.

"...Eustass-ya..." He whispered as he gripped the sheets tightly, the need to make Kid his dominating his mind.

**XXXXXX**

Fours years passed. She had been inseparable from Kid, clinging to him tenaciously, giving Law no chance to confess his feelings. In the end, there was nothing Law could do, apart from seething with jealousy at the sight of the couple.

_'If only they broke up.' 'I wish they would break up.' 'I'm sure they will one day,'_

Thoughts like these kept Law going. However, their relationship had remained strong through the past four years.

And then, four years after that initial shock, it happened again.

"I'm thinking of marrying her after we graduate from college."

It was winter, their final year in college, and it was as cold as that day so long ago, but this time, they were no longer in uniforms. Law was clad in a deep blue duffel coat and leather boots, with white fluffy gloves on his hands and his face almost hidden within a muffler.

However, the can of coffee he was holding seemed like the one he had held all those years ago. Even the way it fell from his hands onto the ground and splashed onto his boots felt exactly the same.

"...What about your career...? You don't even have money yet...right?" He couldn't stop the doubts spilling from his lips.

"I told you that I'll be taking over my dad's factory, right? And I've been saving up all this while. We won't be getting married immediately of course, but I wanna get engaged first... And you dropped your coffee."

"...Oh," Law looked at the smiling Kid, wondering if they had indeed travelled back in time.

Law had first met Kid back in high school, and before he knew it, he had fallen for the redhead. Unable to work up the courage to confess, he had let the days go by, telling himself that he was content just being by Kid's side. Up until that day.

Even after that, he had managed to comfort himself. _'It's alright, she's just a girlfriend. It's ok, I'm still able to remain by his side.'_

Kid had introduced her to Law shortly after that, and she had come across as a quiet and gentle girl. At that time, thoughts of sabotaging their relationship had surfaced in his mind, but he had blocked them out.

Now, he regretted not doing it.

Kid crouched and picked up the fallen coffee can, aiming and throwing it into a garbage bin nearby. He gave a satisfied smirk when the can sailed right in with a clunk. A frown took over his features when he looked back at Law, before stretching out a hand to ruffle his hair, "Hey, don't look so worried. It'll be fine. You're both equally precious to me, I promise I won't neglect our friendship."

"...Ok," Law sighed. 'That's not it. You don't understand,' he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come.

"Anyway, let's go back. It's cold, and you need to take care of those," Kid tilted his head to indicate Law's coffee-stained boots. Law knew that the coffee could be easily wiped off, since his boots were made of leather. Unfortunately, he had no tissues with him, so he nodded and the two hurried towards Kid's place.

**XXXXXX**

It was Friday, and they had made plans to hold a quiet drinking session over at Kid's apartment. Classes had ended in the afternoon, and the two had met up at the usual place in the evening, behind the strange-looking statue outside the train station. After that, they had gone to the nearby supermarket, where they bought some snacks and beer while chatting about trivial matters. Law had spotted a vending machine and bought coffee as well.

Until that point, everything had been as per normal. And then, Kid had spoken those words.

The cold stung Law's nose as he hurried along the road. Aside from the sounds of the cans of beer rattling together in the plastic bag swaying by his side and Kid's footsteps beside him, the scene was shrouded in wintry silence. His ice-cold earrings felt like painful needles piercing through his earlobes.

_'Everything's in vain,'_ the thought suddenly invaded Law's mind.

He had kept this unattainable love in his heart all these years, unable to confess, yet unable to let go and support Kid in his relationship. Every thought had been about how he could come between the couple, to cast doubt on their love. Yet as he continued to hold on to nothing, Kid had taken steps forward with her, hands held and their faces lit up with joy.

Law's lips tightened as he held back the desire to just let the tears flow. They were on their way to Kid's place to drink and enjoy themselves. It wasn't the time to cry.

He needed to act normal, to smile and pretend that everything was alright.

**XXXXXX**

They reached Kid's apartment block and climbed up the stairs to his unit. Kid opened the door with hands numbed by cold, and bent down to take his shoes off at the entrance.

"Stay here, I'll get a towel for you," he said as he entered the apartment and disappeared into the bathroom. For a moment, Law wondered what he was talking about, before suddenly remembering his stained boots.

"It's alright, they've pretty much dried off," he called out. Indeed, the walk back had dried off the dripping coffee.

"Idiot. I'm more worried about you dirtying my place."

Law looked up at Kid's words, just in time for the towel Kid had thrown to hit him in the face. The smell of the towel, the same as Kid's clothes, invaded his nose. Grabbing it, he gave his mostly dry boots a few casual wipes before taking them off and entering the apartment.

"...I'm coming in," he gave the customary greeting as he opened the door to the living room.

"Yeah. Oh, just leave the towel in the basket in the bathroom."

Law hummed a reply as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning on the light, he threw the towel into the laundry basket, which already held numerous articles of clothing, before glancing at the mirror before the washbasin.

There, on the shelf beneath the mirror, was a second toothbrush beside Kid's own, as well as a pair of diamond-studded earrings of a simple design.

Looking up, he saw himself in the mirror. A flat chest, a skinny body without an extra ounce of flesh to round out his figure, and a face that was undoubtedly male. The same gender as Kid.

Reality hit him hard as his heart wrenched.

_'Why was I born a guy?'_

The question he had repeatedly asked himself echoed once again in his mind as he gritted his teeth.

"Trafalgar?" Kid's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he hurried back to the living room. Kid had arranged the snacks and cans of beer on the small kotatsu's table. Seeing Law return, he impatiently grabbed a can and opened it.

Law sat down opposite Kid, snuggling under the blanket, and reached for the snacks piled on the table. With the kotatsu's heat and the beer, his body quickly warmed back up.

A programme about celebrities taking on funny challenges was showing on TV, and Kid occasionally burst into loud laughter as they watched the show. Soon, Law followed suit, and he managed to forget his troubles as he enjoyed Kid's company.

**XXXXXX**

"...About what I told you earlier..."

They had already gone through several cans of beer each when Kid spoke up, as if he had suddenly remembered what they were talking about.

"Would you...come with me? To select a ring..."

_'He must be drunk,'_ Law thought. Kid never spoke with such uncertainty in his voice.

"...Why should I? Shouldn't you go with her...?" Law replied. He wouldn't stoop so low. He couldn't.

The burn he had felt in his heart when Kid mentioned marriage several hours ago came back with a vengeance. He knew that he should give up, yet he was overwhelmed by the urge to confess his feelings to Kid.

He couldn't imagine keeping his sexuality a secret forever. Nor could he continue to lie about his lack of interest in romance. But could he bring himself to just suddenly confess his feelings?

Seeing Law's troubled expression, Kid gave an apologetic smile.

"I plan to surprise her with it. She knows that I've been saving up, but she's said before that when we get married, she doesn't want it to be a big affair. She even went so far as to say that she doesn't want a ring... But I wanna make her happy. I wanna see her smile..."

Law's ears hurt.

He understood perfectly how much Kid treasured her, had seen it with his own eyes these past four years. He knew that he had no place in their relationship.

"Besides, you're really thin and your fingers are slender like hers... I was thinking that you could help me with the size fitting..."

"...Alright." In the end, there was nothing else he could say. Yes, he wanted Kid to be happy, but he wanted Kid to be happy with him.

"Thank you, Trafalgar! You're really my best friend!" Kid exclaimed as he leaned across the table and embraced Law.

Kid's arms around his neck. Kid's head against his shoulder. Kid's familiar cologne stinging his nose.

"Best friend."

That was all he was. Nothing less, yet nothing more. Kid's arms around him suddenly felt restrictive and uncomfortable.

"Yes...I know. Now let go, you're really heavy," he said, slapping Kid on the back. However, instead of letting him go, Kid held on tighter.

"...Trafalgar, I really love how nice you are to me," Kid whispered in his ear.

Law's heart started to race. "...What do you mean, love...?"

"Heheh, just accept it, ok?" With that, Kid let go and returned to his side of the table, slipping his feet under the blankets once more. Their legs tangled together underneath the tiny kotatsu.

Law felt hot. The spots where Kid's body had made contact with his burned. The redhead's lips as he whispered in Law's ear, his breath, his arms, his legs tangled with Law's own.

It all scorched Law's skin.

_'I love you so much, what should I do? I want to tell you, but I can't find the words. Even if I could, I'm afraid of what you would think of me.'_

"So, will you be free next week? We'll meet at the usual spot, then we'll go..."

He tuned out Kid's words, nodding at appropriate intervals as his gaze shifted towards the open door leading to Kid's room. Kid had rented this apartment when they started college, for an affordable price of 48,000yen per month. He could still remember Kid's smile when he had signed for the place, satisfied with himself for finding such a great bargain within the city area.

It had started out as a dreary place, but it had slowly started to fill up with furniture, unmistakably selected by a female hand. It felt as if they were already living together, with the cushions and soft toys in the bedroom and her accessories casually left in various spots around the house.

Every time Law visited, the photographs on display changed. Sometimes, they showed scenes taken when the couple went on a date. Sometimes, they were photos taken in the exact living room Law was sitting in. Each photograph depicted a time which belonged to them, a Kid whom Law did not know.

And now, they were getting married.

Law knew that there was no point in holding on. Yes, he wished for it all to be a lie, for Kid to laugh and tell him that it was all a joke. But the image of Kid's blushing expression and the solemn look in his eyes refused to leave Law's mind, reminding him that all this was reality.

"After that, we'll go for lunch at the underground mall. And then..." Watching Kid plan out his ring shopping day, Law suddenly burst out laughing.

"Eustass-ya"

"Hm?"

There wasn't much time left. He had to make Kid his.

It didn't matter how. He had to do it. He had to have Kid. It didn't matter if anyone got hurt in the process. It didn't matter if he himself got hurt in the process.

As long as he had Kid, he would be alright.

"You're really such an idiot, but that's why I love you."

And that was the first time Law told Kid that he loved him. The spoken words ignited a fire in Law's heart.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all!

I just realized that I totally forgot to mention an important someone in the previous chapter. This story is being beta-ed by the wonderful lovely **beposbutt**. Thank you babe, you're the best! (●´□`)

On to the next chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Morning came without a cloud in sight. Despite this, it was still freezing cold, so it had been a hassle to dress up and go outside.

Law was late. With brisk steps, he made his way towards the statue in front of the train station. The area was crowded, as expected on a Saturday morning with businessmen heading to work, part-timers along the road handing out flyers, and crowds of young people milling about.

Scanning the crowd, Law spotted the redhead beside the statue next to a group of girls. Despite it being winter, the girls were all scantily clad in revealing tops and skirts. Kid was oblivious to the group of females as he stared at his phone, not noticing Law's approach.

"Eustass-ya!"

Kid looked up from his smartphone at Law, "Hey, Trafalgar."

The girls had also noticed Law, and were chattering excitedly amongst themselves, no doubt excited by the sight of the handsome man walking towards them. Kid shot them a glare before clicking his tongue in annoyance and grabbed Law's hand.

"Let's get away from these annoying girls," he growled.

Kid's hand was large and warm, strong in his grip as he practically dragged Law away.

"Eustass-ya..."

'Let go,' Law wanted to say, but the words died in his throat.

He did not want Kid to let go, especially when the small gesture from the redhead made him feel so much joy. However, people were starting to stare.

At that moment, Kid turned around and gave him a meaningful glance, as if to say, 'Just hold on. I don't wanna lose you in the crowd.'

Law gently tightened his hold on Kid's hand as he pulled his muffler up to hide his face with his other hand. As the two walked on, Law's gaze never once wavered from the man before him.

**XXXXXX**

The bell above the store entrance chimed as they entered. A female sales clerk dressed in a black suit came forward immediately to greet them.

Law glanced around the store's display cases, where rings, necklaces and other accessories, probably each costing millions of yen, were arrayed in an extravagant display. "So expensive..." he murmured to himself.

Kid had already made his way to the rings, and was scrutinizing each one. Sometimes, a smile would light up his face. Sometimes, he tilted his head to the side, as if thinking about something. Law knew that he was thinking of her. Leaving Kid alone to browse through the sparkling rings, Law sat down on one of the sofas conveniently placed along one wall of the store.

"Are you looking for a ring?" The sales clerk asked with a smile as she approached Kid.

"Well, yeah..." There was a faint blush on Kid's cheeks as he nodded.

Soon, the two were engaged in an animated conversation. Law averted his eyes.

Ever since last week, he had thought long and hard about his relationship with Kid, but he still couldn't reach a satisfactory conclusion.

When he had finally confessed to Kid, the man had simply replied with a grin, "What's with that...? Hey! I'm not an idiot."

To Kid, Law's "love" for him was a platonic one. How would he have reacted, had he known that Law meant it in a romantic way?

Law could just imagine the disgust in Kid's eyes.

On one hand, Law was glad that he had chosen not to clarify himself. He didn't want Kid to hate him. On the other hand, Law also knew that should he choose to continue remaining silent, he would surely lose Kid.

How could he make a choice, when he knew that he wouldn't be able to live with either option?

Law looked up when he felt a hand on his head.

"You ok? Did the crowd just now bother you?" Kid asked, concern in his voice. Law shook his head.

"I'm fine...Have you decided?"

Kid grinned as he grabbed Law by the wrist and led him to the counter, where the sales clerk stood waiting with a tiny cushion in her hands. Law's eyes landed on the ring nestled in the hollow of the cushion.

"I need your hand."

Before he knew what was happening, Kid had grabbed the ring and slipped it onto the ring finger of his left hand.

His tattooed fingers were slender but angular, a man's hand. For a brief second, Law wondered if the ring would catch on his knuckle.

However, the ring slid snugly into place at the base of his finger. Law felt his eyes burn as his vision went white.

In that moment, Law wanted to throw himself into Kid's arms and shout his love for all the world to hear.

If only the ring had been meant for him. It wouldn't have mattered if Kid had bought him a cheap plastic one from a roadside stall. Law would have been just as happy.

"Yep...I've decided. I'll take this one."

"Alright. Is the size ok?"

"I'll take one that's a size smaller if you have it. My girl's fingers are slender like his, so a smaller size will be a better fit for her, right...?"

"Please wait a moment."

Kid was smiling beside him, but he felt so faraway. The distance between them seemed dark and wide.

Across the void, Kid was smiling. Law could not hear what he was saying, did not know why he was laughing.

His chest hurt. It was hard to breathe. He gripped the hem of his shirt in his fists.

The ring was taken from his finger. Law watched as it was placed into a tiny box and wrapped up in a small bag.

Watched as the bag was sealed up with a red ribbon with the words "For you" printed in gold lettering along its length.

Watched as Kid took the bag with a smile and handed over the money he had saved up from years of working odd jobs.

The ring had cost less than 100,000yen, but Kid had smiled, saying that it was "perfect" for her.

"This is just an engagement ring. I'll get her another one for the wedding, so this one's just perfect."

**XXXXXX**

The day had warmed up considerably by the time they left the store. The crowd was overwhelming, as more people were up and about.

"This way, Trafalgar," Kid directed as he started walking towards their next destination. When he realized that Law was not following, he turned around again. "Don't space out. Come, hold onto my shirt."

This time, Kid had not offered his hand.

Law knew that Kid wanted to keep his hands free, but he felt estranged from the redhead. What made it worse was the knowledge that if Kid had been with her, he would have taken her hand no matter what.

Right now, Law could only envy the small bag Kid held tightly in his hand as he shyly took hold of a small corner of Kid's shirt.

Sensing Law's hesitant gesture, Kid stopped walking and grabbed Law's wrist, pulling it away. Using his free hand, he fisted a good amount of his shirt and thrust it into Law's open palm. "Hold on properly," he reprimanded.

After making sure that Law had a good grip, Kid started walking again. This time, he slowed down his pace to match Law's. As they moved forward, he turned around occasionally, as if checking to make sure that Law was still there.

How easy things would be, if Kid did not care so much. If Law could just feel anger at how Kid was treating him like a child...

The noise of the city did not reach Law's ears, nor did he see the faces of the countless people passing by.

They descended a flight of stairs and entered the underground mall. It was as crowded there as the street above, so Law had no excuse to let go of Kid's shirt.

This was just how things had always been between them.

Every time they went out together, Kid would go out of his way to take care of Law. It always made Law feel a little victorious, as if he was somehow getting back at her.

Showing her that she was not the only person Kid cared about. That Kid cared about him too.

That was why he always took advantage of the situation, casually clinging on to Kid's arm, chatting about stuff as they walked on, teasing each other as they shopped or went somewhere for a meal, just like a real couple.

But things felt different today.

In the end, she had won. The fact that she was the most important person to Kid was painfully obvious.

For the first time, Law could not strike up a conversation. They continued walking in silence.

**XXXXXX**

"We're here, Trafalgar. This place is really good, you know?"

After some walking, Kid had stopped and turned around, flashing his usual smile at Law.

The restaurant Kid had led them to was a traditional Japanese eatery named "Wano Country". Seeing this, Law recalled how Kid had talked about having lunch at this small restaurant just last week.

The smell of cooked food wafted towards them, and Law's stomach growled. "...No, I've never been here before."

"Well, that's not surprising. You only leave the house when I invite you out. Anyway, you hungry? I highly recommend this place."

Saying this, Kid slid the door open. A chorus of welcoming voices greeted them, and they were immediately shown to a booth at the back of the eatery.

"Gimme two of the usual," Kid told the waiter once they were seated.

"Do you come here often?"

Kid nodded in reply to Law's query. "Well, I come here two to three times every month. The staff here know me since there aren't many people out there with my kind of hair, face and build. People always tell me that I'm an unforgettable guy..."

"I see..." Law murmured as he rested his chin in his hand.

The two started to talk. However, the tone of the conversation remained serious, dominated by topics like graduation and school. It was a vast change from their usual happy banter.

"Thank you for waiting~"

The food finally arrived, brought by a cheerful waiter with a warm voice. Kid had ordered set meals for them both, consisting of pork cutlet, miso soup, pickled vegetables and Law's favourite white rice, all beautifully arranged on a tray.

"Itadakimasu," Kid said as he happily dug into the food. On the other hand, Law was hesitant. While the food looked delicious, the items itself were nothing special.

Law hoped that the meal wouldn't be too expensive.

"...You not eating? It's really good. Or do you not like it? Sorry, I should have asked you before I ordered..." Kid apologized.

"No... That's alright... It's just that this meal looks really expensive..."

"What? That's what you're worried about?! It's OK, the meal is only 500yen," Kid reassured him.

"Really...?"

"Yeah. Just eat it."

At Kid's urging, Law murmured a soft "Itadakimasu" before having a taste.

"...It's delicious..."

"I know!" Kid's entire face lit up at Law's words.

In that moment, Law was happy. Kid was here, smiling at him. That was all Law needed.

"Trafalgar, don't just eat the rice. Try the pork too."

"Shut up, don't order me around."

"What? I'll take it if you don't want it."

"Hey, give it back!"

They were back to how they always were, teasing each other and having fun. Yes, this was all Law needed.

But he knew deep in his heart that it was not enough. It had never been enough.

Law had always known. Ever since Kid and her had gotten together, he had known.

Known that he could not stay loving Kid like this anymore. That he would have to let go someday.

Yet he had chosen to hide in these tiny "victorious" moments, telling himself that everything would be alright in the end.

Because he didn't think he could ever face the thought of losing Kid.

Law was pulled back to reality when he heard Kid let out a soft sigh.

"...This is great," the redhead admitted with a small smile.

"...What is?" Law asked, grip tightening on the chopsticks and bowl in his hands.

Kid cleared his throat awkwardly and set down his chopsticks. "Well, you've been all gloomy this past week, ever since I told you that I'm planning to get married. You don't even smile anymore, and you just felt so cold and distant today..."

Pain blossomed in Law's heart as Kid continued.

"I know I can be quite insensitive sometimes, so I was wondering if I had somehow offended you. But seeing you smile just now was such a relief. So don't just close yourself off like that anymore. You really had me worried."

Kid reached over and ruffled Law's hair. Law felt tears brimming in his eyes and hurriedly turned his head to the side, just in time to hide the single tear that slid down his cheek.

"...You're such an idiot," he whispered.

"But you said you love that about me, right?" Kid grinned. Law could feel himself crumbling inside.

He wanted to return the smile, but the desire in his heart was growing. Demanding for more of what he could never have. The pain was immense. Like he was submerged in the deep ocean, slowly drowning.

"Yes... Good that you know, idiot-stass-ya."

If only he understood the kind of "love" that Law was feeling.

But the "love" Kid had for him was not the same.

It could never be the same...

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**exorcist94**: Yep, here it is! This story will most likely be updated once a week, both here and at tumblr, so do keep a lookout!

**suheo1601**: Thank you for taking your time to reread it, and glad you like the story~

**Anon**: More will be coming! XD

**Skinn**: Yep, the original story has 8 parts as of now and it's still ongoing, so there's lots more to come!

**Itavita**: The original story is still currently being updated, so I'm not sure of the ending myself. （ｏ。ｏ；）But what I can promise you is that T.H.E.A.N.G.S.T.K.E.E.P.S.C.O.M.I.N.G!

**NebulaHeroine**: Glad to hear you love the translations! pixiv has so many gems, so I'm really happy to share them with everyone and spread the love! （*´▽｀*）


	3. Chapter 3

Hello!

Enjoy the new chapter! ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

They stayed in the eatery until the crowd outside had dispersed somewhat. With less people about, the two could now walk together side by side. Exiting the underground mall, they strolled leisurely along the street, checking out any shops that caught their interest.

Before they knew it, the sun had set. Law was suddenly aware of the freezing wind, which seemed to blow right through his warm coat, chilling his skin. Shivering, he wrapped his arms around himself.

"You cold...?"

"...A little," Law whispered a reply to Kid's question.

"Shall we head home then?"

'No,' Law wanted to say. 'Stay with me a little longer. I won't be seeing you tomorrow, so I want to be with you just a little more.'

Kid looked worriedly at Law, before turning and walking off in the direction of Law's home. Left with no choice, Law started to follow the man.

As they walked, the sky grew darker, and the buildings along the road started to light up.

"Erm... Trafalgar, I'm gonna buy some cigarettes from the convenience store back there."

They were walking along a tiny road when Kid suddenly voiced his request. It was the weekend of the monthly flea market, and the street was filled with youngsters sitting on vinyl groundsheets, goods for sale spread all around them. So saying, Kid dashed off towards the store, located some distance back the way they had come.

"Stay put, I'll be back soon," he called to Law over his shoulder.

Law was puzzled. There was another store just right ahead of them, so there was no reason for Kid to backtrack to that last store. Besides, Law had expected Kid to urge him to return home first, rather than wait out in the cold.

Law let out a sigh as he moved to the side of the road, where he leaned against the side of a building to wait for Kid. His breath came out in white puffs, a sign of the freezing temperature. Law jammed his fists into his pockets and looked up at the sky.

Left alone, unwelcome thoughts soon started to take over his mind. He felt like an abandoned puppy, standing unnoticed by the side of the road as people hurried by, waiting in vain for its owner to come. Soon, he would give up all hope and die alone, discarded and forsaken.

No, he was not a puppy, he was more like the little girl who sold matchsticks.

That was alright too, if it meant he could just light up a match and see his dreams come true.

In fact, he wouldn't mind dying if he was happy when it happened, if he could go with a smile, knowing that he had been truly happy once in his life.

He was rudely startled out of his thoughts by a sudden heat to his cheek.

"Wahh!" He cried as he jerked away.

"Sorry to make you wait." Kid grinned as he dangled a can of Law's favourite coffee in his face.

"Bastard..." Law muttered. Joy that Kid had gone to get coffee just for him filled his heart for a brief moment, but reality quicky set in when he remembered that Kid had wanted to get cigarettes for himself.

"So, what were you so deep in thought about?" Kid asked as he pulled the tab off his own can of coffee and downed its entire contents in one go.

Law opened his own can and took a sip. "That the little girl who sold matchsticks must have been really happy."

"What? You're so weird," Kid guffawed, clutching his stomach. Suddenly embarrassed, Law gave Kid a shove and walked away in a huff. However, he was glad inside that Kid had come back.

The two started strolling along the road again. Neither noticed how their pace slowed down a fraction with each step, as if reluctant to reach their destination.

In the silence, Law recalled something he had once heard during a lecture at college. "Desires cannot be stopped, they can only be sated. The more one tries to deny it, the easier it is to lose one's mind."

Law understood perfectly. He knew how painful it could get when one's unattainable desire was literally within reach. How the emotions just overflowed, and one could do nothing to stem the flood.

Finally, they reached the statue where they had met up this morning. Law never figured out what meaning the statue held, but it was still a precious spot that belonged to them both. Waving a goodbye to Kid, Law turned to leave.

"Trafalgar!"

Hearing Kid call his name, Law turned around to find a small packet thrust into his face. "Open it," Kid ordered.

Law frowned at the packet before taking it in his hands. Opening it, he upended the contents onto his palm.

"..."

There, lying on his palm, were two rings.

"Give them to me."

Kid took both rings from Law's hand and slid one onto the pinky finger of his own right hand. Grabbing Law's hand next, Kid then slid the second ring onto the other man's pinky finger.

"Not sure if you know, but the right pinky represents 'unchanging feelings'. I know the index finger represents 'friendship', but you're more than that to me, so I chose the pinky instead."

"Why...?" Law couldn't stop the tremble in his voice. The ring on his finger looked handmade and cheap.

"Well, you looked like you really wanted a ring when we were at the jeweler's this morning, so when I saw this on sale along the road back there, I decided to get it. It cost just 300yen, but I hope you like it. Take it as a gift for accompanying me today, and helping me with the ring selection."

Law didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. Nor could he understand how it was possible to love someone so much.

"...You don't like it?" Kid, seeing Law's tears, asked hesitantly.

Throughout the years, Law had received many gifts from the other man. Birthday gifts were a staple, but Kid also liked to buy small random things for him for no discernible reason.

Soft toys Kid had won for him at the local arcade game centre, weird mobile straps which Law would never be caught dead using. All of them had served to cement Law's feelings for the redhead.

The can of coffee today was no exception. Each item had become Law's treasure. Things which he could physically keep were carefully stored away, while the others were fondly remembered.

And now, with this gift, the need to confess his feelings made Law want to burst.

"I...really do... Thank you."

"That's great," Kid blushed as he smiled with relief. This time, Law had no problems returning the smile.

With that, they said their goodbyes. Law stood and watched until Kid disappeared into the crowd, before his legs finally gave way and he sat heavily onto the ground.

The ring glittered on his finger as he let the tears fall.

'Unchanging feelings.'

Did that mean that Kid's feelings of friendship towards Law would never change?

But no. Law was not a friend. He was "more than that".

"...Eustass-ya..."

Law closed his eyes as Kid's smile came to mind. The plastic ring sat quietly on his finger, made all the more conspicuous by the tattoos adorning his fingers and the back of his hand.

"...Eustass...-ya..."

No matter how he called, Kid would not come back.

If only he could light a match and conjure an illusion, he would wish for Kid's warm embrace. It would be hard when he knew he was alone, but just the thought of it was enough for now.

"...I...love you..."

Would these words reach Kid someday?

Would Kid then accept his feelings and return them?

Would such a miraculous day ever come...?

Law's second confession dissipated in the freezing night air, unheard.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**YOO**: *hugs* o(╥﹏╥)o

**Tokyosketch**: Thank you! I hope this story will help you like Kid/Law just a little more~

**viv-heart**: I knowwwwww, unrequited love is the worst... （ ＴДＴ）

**darkimpulse**: Yeah, I feel translating fics is much tougher than translating doujin. But do keep writing! Would love to read more from you! (I absolutely love "snowy mountain" please tell me there's more coming lol! )

**suheo1601**: Yeah, the whole situation is just so bittersweet.

**Tadoay**: The story's still ongoing, so I don't know the ending too. But let's pray hard for a happy one!

**TinkotheWolf**: I'll pass on the message. And well, Kid is not as oblivious as he seems to be. ;)

**NebulaHeroine**: Thank you for taking the time to comment! (´▽`ʃƪ) This chapter's got a tiny bit of happiness, hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all!

For those who want to check out the original story on pixiv (link: pixiv,net/novel/show,php?id=3295962 - replace commas with fullstops)

On to the next chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC. Suicidal thoughts.

* * *

_If I had forced him to choose between us right from the start, I'm sure I would have had him._

_But right now, he will be torn over the issue, and finally choose the both of us._

_He won't want to choose, won't want either of us to be sad._

_And so, he will accept us both._

_And he would be right, with that straightforward kind of thinking._

_On the other hand, my thoughts are always so childish and selfish._

_We're not children anymore. We can't demand something and expect to get it._

_Now, we need to fight for our desires._

_I know what I should do, but I can't do it, because of those straightforward feelings of his._

_His love for her, his enjoyment with me, his trust in us both._

_Will I really be happy if I destroy it all?_

_No matter how hard I search, I can never find the answer._

**XXXXXX**

Today was her birthday.

It was the end of January, and the days had gotten colder as winter progressed.

With graduation approaching, Kid and Law seldom had time to meet up, both working hard to finish up their respective courses.

It was right in the midst of those busy days when Law's mobile suddenly rang, making him jump.

Gently pulling the vibrating phone out of his pocket, Law glanced down at the screen, mindful not to disturb the lecture going on about him.

It was him.

It felt like months since Law had last heard from Kid. In reality, it had been only a week, but it felt like an eternity to Law.

Law's features softened as he opened the message, but a frown soon furrowed his brow.

"You coming for my girl's birthday, right?"

The short, blunt message was accompanied by a ridiculous emoticon.

Law had been busy these days, so he had totally forgotten about this annual event.

When Kid had gotten attached 4 years ago, each of their birthday celebrations had become a 3-person affair, and Kid made sure that everyone remembered each others' special day.

Initially, Law had protested. They were lovers, shouldn't they be celebrating without him tagging along?

Despite that, both Kid and she had remained adamant, insisting that Law join them every time.

In the end, Law had been an unwilling participant at each celebration, though he did his best every chance he got to get back at her.

He would cling to Kid whenever he could, trying to make her jealous; taking every opportunity to quietly drive them apart.

However, it never worked. In fact, it irked him to watch them act so lovingly towards one another.

Law sighed. It seemed like this year would be no different. He sent back a short affirmative reply before slipping the phone back into his pocket.

**XXXXXX**

A merry chime rang out when he pressed the doorbell, and when Kid opened the door, the smell of food wafted out into the corridor.

"Yo, long time no see. Come in"

Seeing that familiar face once again made Law's heart thunder in his chest.

A warmth stung his cheeks and quickly spread up to his ears.

He chided himself for behaving like a lovestruck fool.

It had only been a week since they last met, why was he reacting like this?

Why did he feel such joy?

Law sat down at the entrance to take off his boots. He couldn't help noticing the extra pair of heels, neatly placed at the side of the door.

Sliding open the screen to the living room, Law spotted her. It had been months since their last meeting.

She was leaning casually against the sofa. Seeing Law, her face broke out into its usual gentle smile.

"Hello, Law-kun. It's been a while"

"Yes. Happy birthday"

"Fufu. Thank you"

Law sank into one of the large cushions scattered around the room.

Kid had retreated to the kitchen to continue cooking. Law glanced at the table, which was already filled with various steaming dishes.

"Eustass-ya is really a great cook," he commented.

Kid had always been proud of his culinary skills, boasting to anyone who would listen to him when they were back in high school. Law smiled at the memory.

As the years passed, Kid had honed his skills, creating more delicious dishes.

At that time, many were sure that if he had become a chef, he would have been a huge success.

However, Kid ignored everyone's urging, determined to take over his father's company instead.

Law knew that Kid had his own reasons for doing so, and that his strong candid feelings helped to drive him on.

It was just another thing Law loved about the man.

**XXXXXX**

"Cheers"

They were gathered at the table, each holding a glass of wine, ready to celebrate the occasion for which they had gathered.

"Happy birthday"

The two men spoke their congratulations together, and she blushed with a shy smile.

Law took a sip of the wine, which burned its way down his throat. The bittersweet taste was nothing new to Law.

"Don't just drink, eat up," Kid picked up a piece of meat with his chopsticks and waved it in Law's face.

Like the alcohol, this action was nothing new.

"Alright, open up"

Closing his eyes, Law parted his trembling lips. He felt Kid push the soft piece of meat into his mouth.

Law opened his eyes as Kid withdrew his chopsticks. He chewed delicately on the meat before licking his lips.

"So?"

"It's delicious..."

"I know! Here, I made lots, so eat your fill," Kid smiled.

With that, the redhead began to pile food onto Law's plate, fussing over him and watching Law's reaction to each bite. It was as if they were celebrating Law's birthday instead.

It was just how Kid was. The attention he paid to ensure Law's comfort and well-being had never changed.

Did he feel embarrassed doing it? Did he even notice that others were often staring at him, judging his actions?

Law had always wanted to ask, but he never did.

Because if he kept silent, he could pretend that he was the only one in Kid's heart, that everything Kid did was to make him happy.

He would gladly drown in the feelings of control and supremacy these moments offered him...

**XXXXXX**

"Kid and Law-kun are such close friends." She was smiling, but Law noticed the gleam of jealousy in her eyes. "Fufu, I'm so envious"

Kid let out a sigh as he reached out a hand to stroke her hair.

"Idiot, why are you jealous over a man? Right, Trafalgar?"

'No, Kid. You're the idiot.' Law wanted to shout. 'You don't understand. Oblivious to the turmoil in my heart as you smile and laugh'

Instead, he cast his gaze downwards and settled for a weak nod, knowing that those words would never spoken aloud.

Maybe he should just end it all right now. Loop a noose around his neck and strangle himself. Because he could not imagine himself living on like this, where every breath he took was laced with pain. But how could he ever fall in love with anyone else? How could he ever live without Kid?

Law forced himself to look up, shaking his head to dispel those morbid thoughts.

No, he had to smile. He had to congratulate her.

Repeating these words in his mind like a mantra, Law gave her a small smile.

"Oh, right... Here you go..." Acting like he had just remembered something, Law reached over to grab his coat and pulled out a small packet from the front pocket, which he passed to her. "A present for you"

"Oh... Thank you" With beautifully manicured hands, she gently unwrapped the gift to reveal a pair of tiny jewelled earrings, shaped like snowflakes.

"Oh, they're adorable"

"I'm glad you like them," Law whispered as he glanced over at Kid.

"Thank you, Trafalgar"

"Why are you the one thanking me?"

The room filled with laughter as they continued their meal, enjoying each other's company.

It was the same thing each year. Law would force himself to buy a gift which he didn't want to give. Force himself to hand the present to her with a smile, when he would much rather chuck it into the nearest trashbin.

But it was the least he could do. And if it meant that he could see Kid smile, he would do it without a second thought.

"Alright...It's my turn now"

Kid stood up from the table and drew a small box out of his pocket. Law immediately recognized it to be the one that contained the engagement ring which he had helped select.

"I know this isn't much. I swear I'll buy you a nicer one next time... Will you accept this?"

She tearfully took the box from Kid's hands. "Why...? It must have cost so much..."

"Actually, it's not that expensive. Sorry"

"Don't say that...!" She cried as she threw her arms around Kid.

Law could only watch as Kid then took the ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger, just like how he had done with Law that day at the jeweler's.

Her ring sparkled beautifully as it caught the light, shining with a radiance that the tiny ring sitting on Law's finger could never do.

Law felt himself being crushed by reality again.

He could pretend all he wanted, but he could never take her place.

Yes, the ring on Kid's finger matched his own, and it made him feel special, but the only one on Kid's mind had always been her.

She was Kid's lover. He was only his best friend.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Tadoay**: Yes, let's pray! (／。＼)

**jell-o**: Yep, it's a Japanese fic. And no worries, it was a pleasure to translate! Look forward to the rest of the story~~ (/^▽^)/

**Racelett**: Please don't cry! *hugs* Kid will find out one day, and we just have to wait and see how he reacts!

**Anon**: I know! Unrequited love is the most painful thing ever. :(

**Itavita**: Thank you for always sending in a review! Let's hope this ends well though!

**Curious**: Check out the top of this page (hope the link turns out fine!) (* ω)

**viv-heart**: Yeah, they do focus lots more on feelings than action or speech, but the NSFW ones can get reeeeally descriptive and graphic too. (๑ᴗ๑) And yeah, the scene with the rings was so sweet, but it's just making things worse in the end for Law... ・゜・(ノД`)

**suheo1601**: Let's give Law a hug! （ ＴДＴ）


	5. Chapter 5

Helloooooo!

Here's the new chapter! Get ready for angst! o(╥﹏╥)o

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

The hands on the clock were creeping towards 10p.m. Kid was out cold on the floor, snoring away.

The three of them usually stayed over at Kid's place after each birthday celebration, and Kid was always the first to fall asleep.

Law was not surprised. Kid might not have shown it, but he was probably nervous the whole day, worried about what she would think of his gift.

Watching Kid's peaceful sleeping face, Law swallowed the lump in his throat.

Now, it was only him and her.

The ticking of the clock seemed impossibly loud.

He thought of going home. With Kid asleep, there was no reason for him to stick around.

Besides, the awkward tension in the room threatened to overwhelm him.

His place was just some distance away, he could easily make his way home on foot. And after drinking so much alcohol, the night air would surely help to clear his head. Yes, it would be best if he left now.

Having made up his mind, Law started to reach for his belongings.

"Law-kun, are you going home?"

"Yes, Kid's already asleep, and I don't want to disturb you two."

Law made to stand up, but he was stopped by her hand gripping his shirt.

"Please wait!... There's something I've been meaning to ask you..."

"...What is it?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again, hesitant. Finally, after much deliberation, she spoke.

"Law-kun, do you like Kid...?"

Law suppressed a shiver.

"...Yes. He's my best friend," he whispered with a weak smile.

The tightness in his chest made him want to throw up. A ringing had started up in his ears, and he felt dizzy on his feet.

She did not let go.

"No," she whispered. "That's not what I meant... You really like him, don't you?! You love Kid... In the romantic sense..."

The soft, frail tone of her voice hurt his ears.

So she had known.

As his girlfriend, she must have noticed and understood the intention behind Law's nasty, childish actions.

What was she going to do? Was she going to leave Kid?

His emotions surged to the surface, making him voice the question he had always wanted to ask, "...What if Kid is bisexual? What will you do?"

It was a far-fetched hope, but one that Law desperately clung to.

Whatever reaction he had expected from her, it was not the one he now received.

"It doesn't matter, because I will be his number one. I don't care if other men or women look at him, because I believe that I'm the only one he sees"

Their eyes met.

In that moment, Law could see the likeness between Kid and her. Both of them were guided by their straightforward feelings, and acted on those convictions without hesitation.

They both chose to believe.

Kid might look unapproachable, but he could be so kind. On the other hand, she appeared harmless and gentle, yet her docile facade hid a truly sharp and observant mind.

Law could not speak. Next to them, his own weakness stood out all the more starkly.

He clenched his fist, pressing the ring on his finger against his right palm. It had shone so brightly the day Kid had slipped it onto his finger, but that brilliance had all but disappeared.

It might be just a toy, but it was his treasure. He had found himself staring at it more and more each day, twirling it around his finger at every chance he got. The sight and touch of it brought him satisfaction, joy, sorrow and pain.

Even so, he treasured it with all his heart.

"That ring. Kid has a matching one, right?"

Her gaze had shifted to the ring on his finger. Her shoulders had begun to tremble.

He still could not bring himself to speak, so she persisted, as if chasing him down.

"It doesn't matter to me, but please don't be mistaken. Kid's lover is not you, Law-kun. Kid is mine... And I'll never let anyone take him away from me"

Law's unspoken emotions crashed to the bottom of his heart. Emotions he had desperately kept hidden for the past 4 years, slowly eating away at his mind. Emotions he never had the courage to voice, too afraid and weak to withstand a possible rejection.

He had nobody to blame for his misery but himself. Now, he had to escape before he broke down at her feet.

"...Alright. I'll never come near Eustass-ya again. Will that do?"

"No, that's not what I...!"

The shrillness in her voice woke Kid, as he turned onto his back and opened his eyes.

With her distracted, Law turned on his heel, quickly pulled on his boots and slipped out the door.

**XXXXXX**

It was dark, and the cold wintry air caressed his skin as he ran in the direction of home.

Her words echoed relentlessly in his ears.

His mind was a blank, he could not think. The only thing he could do right now was to place one foot in front of the other, mindlessly running away from emotions he could not name.

Law did not know anything anymore. He was only subtly aware of something breaking deep inside of him.

"Trafalgar!"

A hand suddenly grabbed him arm, forcing him to a stop. Recognizing the voice yeling his name, Law tried to jerk away.

Why had Kid come after him?

Had she told him?

Law continued to struggle, trying to pull his arm away.

"Wait! What's wrong with you?!"

"Let me go...!"

Law spun around and lifted his free arm to strike Kid. However, the other man had anticipated this, and grabbed Law's wrist before he could swing out.

Kid's grip was strong and painful, and Law knew that the redhead did not intend to let him go anytime soon.

"How dare you leave a woman alone at home at this time!" He lashed out at Kid in frustration.

"Calm down! It's not safe for you to walk home alone either!"

Kid's grip on his arm tightened even further. Law felt his eyes blur with tears.

He didn't want to cry. Tears were a display of weakness. He claimed he loved Kid, and yet here he was, running away like a coward.

But would it always be like this? Would he ever get anywhere? Or would he be alone for the rest of his life?

Law bit his lip and tried to twist away from Kid's hold, this time successfully freeing his right arm.

"Don't treat me like a woman!"

Kid had always been so kind to him, yet he knew that their relationship would never progress beyond friendship. He knew he would never get what he truly wanted. But even that knowledge could not erase the kind of love he possessed for the other man...

"Calm down, Trafa...!"

With his free hand, Law grabbed onto Kid's shirt, pulling the redhead down and sealing their lips together.

He didn't want to hear Kid's gentle coaxing voice anymore.

He knew that if he wanted even a chance at making Kid his, he had to make this leap of faith.

But Kid's lips upon his were cold from the night air, unmoving as Law held the kiss. The lack of response froze Law's heart.

Slowly, he let go of Kid, pulling away from the kiss.

"...No matter what I do...I can never be Eustass-ya's number one..." he whispered as he lowered his head.

Kid remained unmoving, dazed by the sudden turn of events. Wordlessly, Law started to walk away.

This time, Kid did not come after him.

_'Kid is mine'_

Her words chose that moment to surface in his mind.

_'I'll never let anyone take him away from me'_

He could not think.

Holding back his tears, he walked on home, footsteps echoing in the silent night.

From that day on, Kid ceased all contact with Law.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**darkimpulse**: Can't blame Kid, Law has always been good at hiding his emotions and pretending that everything is fine when it's not. ( p′︵‵。)

**Itavita**: Please do! He needs it!

**viv-heart**: I can't either, and it's so heartbreaking! (┳Д┳) But I'm glad you enjoy the story. I was a little worried at first since it's so different from the normal style of Western fanfics, but seems like people do enjoy this style too. The original author is really glad to hear that. ;)

**mugilamb**: Thank you! I just feel so proud whenever someone says they start to appreciate KidLaw because of my translations! ＼(^▽^＠)ノ *hugs you*

**NebulaHeroine**: Thank you for taking the time to review! It means alot to the original author and I~ Yeah, the angst just doesn't let up, even with the upcoming future chapters, so get your heart ready!


	6. Chapter 6

Konnichiwa!

If you thought the previous chapter was bad, I have no words to describe this one. Being truly honest here, I cannot adequately prepare everyone for this chapter, so hold on tight! The angst tsunami is cominggggggg! .·´¯`(ᗒᗣᗕ)´¯`·.

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

_I remember how he had always told me about his dreams._

_"I want to take over my dad's business."_

_That is his dream, but it isn't the only one._

_"I want to be a good dad, so that my child will want to take over the family business and be just like me."_

_It is a dream that I can never make come true._

_Every time he told me about it, I just smiled._

_I can't fulfill any of his dreams._

_Even so, I want to stay by his side._

_I can't bring myself to wish happiness for the two of them._

_These miserable desires continue to eat at my mind._

_I know I am disgusting._

_But I can't help it. I still love him._

**XXXXXX**

The days without any contact with Kid crawled by, and soon, it was February.

Graduation was just a month away.

As Kid and Law were studying at different faculties, they usually never bumped into each other on campus. Thus, it wasn't unusual that neither of them saw the other in school now.

Law understood this. He knew that as long as he didn't go searching for the other man, it would be almost impossible for them to meet. And after that day, he stopped looking for Kid.

It was tough in the beginning, and Law would find himself hoping to catch a glimpse of that fiery red hair. Old habits die hard.

"If pushing doesn't work, try pulling."

This piece of advice, spoken by someone long ago, seemed to fit Law's current situation perfectly.

_'If I refrain from contacting him, he will surely start to think of me sooner or later.'_

Left with no other choice, Law clung to this last hope.

The kiss they shared that day was so different from what Law had always imagined their first kiss to be like.

In his mind, Kid's touch was gentle as he held Law's hand, caressed his back, stroked his hair.

These were not unusual. Kid often touched Law in this manner, but in his dreams, those touches promised more. Kid would go further. He would kiss Law on the lips and embrace him. Kid would expose his body, meet him in the flesh, share his passion.

Those dreams had kept Law going all this time, but in the end, they were just dreams.

Reality was cruel.

Law had never imagined that he would take their first kiss by force. Unlike his dreams, Kid had not held him in his arms, had not whispered joy in his ear. Instead, his lips had been cold and unmoving.

Had he pulled away? Did he despise the kiss?

Law could not remember, nor did he care. The only thing that mattered was that Kid now knew of his feelings.

And now, Law only had to wait.

True enough, Kid contacted him a few days later. Over the next few days, Law received short messages stating "we need to talk", none of which he replied. Whenever Kid managed to spot him in school, Law did his best to escape.

_'If I keep this up, he will keep trying to contact me. This way, I'll always be on his mind.'_

Ignoring Kid hurt, but Law knew that he had to persevere. He had to have Kid, and he was willing to try anything.

**XXXXXX**

_'Clank!'_

Grabbing the can of coffee from the vending machine dispenser, Law pulled open the tab and took a sip. Unlike the winter air, the coffee was scalding hot.

It had been two weeks since Kid's last attempt to contact him.

Since then, his mobile phone had lain silent in his pocket. It was nothing new. Law had always been reserved about sharing his number with others, keeping his social activities to a preferred minimum. Aside from Kid, only the manager at his part-time job, some schoolmates, and a handful of other friends had Law's number.

His plan had fallen through. Kid still remained as unreachable as ever.

Law drew the phone out of his pocket and started to scroll through his limited contacts. His fingers stilled when a familiar name popped up on the screen.

The name of his high school teacher. It had been some time since they last saw each other, but Law distinctly remembered how the other had always been there for him whenever he needed advice.

"...Smoker..."

Law pressed the call button.

After a few rings, the familiar deep voice sounded in his ear.

"...It's been a while. How have you been?"

"I'm fine... How about you?"

"...Still the same."

"...I see. Mr. Smoker... Can we meet up for a few drinks? There are some things I'd like to talk about," Law voiced his request as he took another sip of his coffee, feeling the warmth spread throughout his body.

He looked up at the darkening sky overhead. The weather forecast on the news this morning had warned of snow.

He didn't want to be alone tonight.

He wanted to drown himself in alcohol, numb his senses and forget the pain.

"Yes. How about 9 tonight? Yes... Yes... Alright. See you later..."

Law ended the call. He could already feel his mood lifting slightly, as he pulled the muffler around his neck up to cover his mouth. As it was already late in the afternoon, Law decided to head home first to freshen up before his meeting with Smoker.

_'If only this can help me to forget Kid...'_

But Law knew that it would never work. He smiled bitterly at his own foolishness. Slipping the phone back into his pocket, he turned, ready to head on home.

Only to come face-to-face with a familiar figure. With his heart in his throat, Law looked up to see Kid's scowling face.

The intensity of Kid's gaze forced Law to take a step back, then another. He averted his eyes and turned to leave. But Kid had already stepped forward, closing up the distance between them once more.

"Don't run away."

Law gulped at the sound of Kid's command.

"...I'm sorry. I'm busy today. Maybe next...!"

Kid's hand suddenly reached out and grabbed the front of Law's shirt.

"...Eustass-ya, we're still on campus. Please don't do anything stupid," Law hissed.

Kid slowly let go of Law's shirt, only to grasp his upper arm in a firm grip before heading out the school gates.

Law could do nothing but be dragged along.

**XXXXXX**

Kid opened the door to reveal the room Law had so hurriedly left the other day.

They were back at Kid's apartment. A place that Law did not wish to remember, a place he was not yet ready to revisit.

The tension in the air was thick as they stood at the entrance of the apartment, still in their boots. Kid stood before Law, his back to the other man. Law's arm remained trapped in Kid's tight grip.

Law wanted to embrace the redhead.

_'If only I can wrap my arms around him and never let go'_

But he knew that now was not the time for that.

The minutes passed, neither of them breaking the silence. Then, just as Law was about to voice out an excuse to leave, Kid spoke, and the words died in Law's throat.

"...What should I do...?"

Kid was trembling.

"What should I do...? I thought... we were friends..."

The grip on his upper arm tightened even further, Kid's nails slowly digging into his skin through the fabric of his coat.

"...You're hurting me..." Law whispered.

Kid slowly let go, his arm dropping back to his side. Law could hear the other man taking deep breaths, and knew that the redhead was doing his best to get his emotions under control.

Abruptly, Kid turned around, his crimson eyes boring into Law's. He took a step forward, forcing Law back against the door. The fragrance of his cologne stung Law's nose.

Unable to meet his gaze, Law looked down, fighting to slow his racing heartbeat. The door felt cold behind his back.

Kid lifted an arm to brace himself against the door as he leaned towards Law.

"...Can we go back?"

Law understood what Kid wanted, but he also knew it was an impossible request.

"...I don't want... to pretend to be just friends... anymore..."

Kid's hand tightened into a fist as he slammed it against the door in frustration. Law flinched.

"...Why?... Why, Trafalgar...?!"

"...I'm sorry. I don't want to go back."

His secret was out. He could not go back even if he wanted to.

"I understand if you never want to see me again... I need to go... Goodbye."

Law turned around, hand reaching out for the doorknob. However, Kid moved to place his other hand against the door, effectively trapping Law and preventing his escape.

Law fixed his gaze upon the door, refusing to turn around to face Kid again. He could feel Kid's eyes boring painfully into his back.

His gaze shifted to Kid's right hand, falling upon the matching ring on the redhead's little finger.

"...I want to see you... But this is wrong... I don't know. I've thought so much about it, but I..."

Law's eyes narrowed. Did that mean that he was on Kid's mind for the past two weeks?

Joy and hope flared up faintly in Law's heart.

"...I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to wish happiness for you and her. I've made my choice, Eustass-ya. You have to make yours."

Kid remained silent for a long while. His next words sounded weak, as if they were being squeezed out of him.

"...I'm sorry."

Law closed his eyes.

"I want... to make her happy..."

"I know."

"But I don't want to lose you..."

"I know."

Their unspoken desires were laced with awkwardness and pain, along with fear of what lay ahead.

"Friendship" and "love".

For Kid, it was pain caused by the desire to have both.

For Law, it was a wall he had to tear down.

"...Eustass-ya."

Law turned around to face Kid once more. Lifting up a hand, he trailed it along Kid's arm, before reaching up to caress the redhead's face.

"Don't..."

Kid moved his right hand to cover Law's eyes, as if unable to meet his gaze. The ring on his little finger rested lightly against Law's cheek.

"...I love you... Eustass-ya... I love you... I should be the one asking... What should I do...?"

Law's hand moved down to Kid's chest. He could feel the warmth of Kid's body through his shirt, yet he knew that he would never be allowed to touch any further.

This was as far as he could go, but it was not enough. He couldn't erase his feelings, his desire to touch, his need to know Kid on the deepest level.

_'If only you can say you love me too.'_

"I'm sorry..."

Kid whispered as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Law's.

"...I'm sorry."

Law shut his eyes, not wanting to understand the meaning behind Kid's apologies.

"I'm sorry."

He felt Kid pull his muffler gently up around the lower part of his face, before the light press of Kid's lips against his own in a chaste kiss through the thin material.

"I can't... betray her..."

With that, Kid let him go. When Law returned to his senses, he found himself back on the dark streets, his legs mindlessly carrying him in the direction of home.

Their second kiss was gentle, but felt like an unbreakable seal marking the end of their relationship.

It hurt, but he knew that he had hurt Kid too.

But yes, this was really the end.

With numb fingers, Law unwrapped the muffler from around his neck and tossed it into the nearest trashbin.

"Goodbye, Eustass-ya..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**robotsftw232**: I knowwww ( ≧Д≦)

**viv-heart**: I'm glad you're enjoying the pain, I mean the fic. Yeah, the angst doesn't stop, so get ready for more!

**Tadoay**: Yes, they shall, hope you enjoyed this chapter as well~

**Laptop Newbie**: Yeah, the plot of the story may be a little cliched, but it just somehow works. And I agree, I'm glad the girlfriend isn't portrayed as some bitchy person, but a kind and intelligent girl. We want our boys to end up together, but you just can't blame her for her thoughts and actions. And thank you so so much for the really long message, it gives me lots of motivation to translate! (｡'▽'｡)

**Angelmon**: But he's definitely not going down without a fight! Look forward to see how the story develops~~

**Anon**: It's ok to cry! *hugs* (Ɔ╯︵╰)(╯︵╰C)

**darkimpulse**: ikr. (✖╭╮✖)

**Itavita**: Yes, Law will continue to fight. Let's cheer him on and hope for his happiness! （ ＴДＴ）

**suheo1601**: Of all the chapters I've read thus far, it's all in Law's POV. Maybe in a later chapter the author may write things from Kid's side?

**NebulaHeroine**: *hugs your heart* Nooooooo, things will not get brighter! Hold on tight and prepare yourself for the angst!

**Skinn**: Yep, I'm really excited to find out the ending for the story too (the original fic is still being updated so I don't know the ending too!)

**Tokyosketch**: It's ok, let the tears flow. .·´¯`(▂)´¯`·.

**YOOO**: While I feel sad that Kid is attached, I can't really hate the girlfriend, especially when she had every right to claim Kid as hers. But that just makes it all the more painful (´；Д；｀)

**Puroppu**: Glad you love the fic! Will send all these comments to the author! Look forward to more angst!

**AMBher**: Here's the next chapter! *hands you tons of tissues*

**KlawxXx**: Yeah, nobody is going to be happy with this turn of events, and we'll just have to see how they each handle the situation from here on out. But I agree, their friendship is truly bittersweet. Life really isn't easy for our boys (T⌓T)


	7. Chapter 7

Aaaaaaand the story gets more complicated...

Enjoy!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Law flipped his phone open to check the time, and saw that it was way past 7pm. He no longer had the time to make the trip home.

Unsure of where to go, he wandered the streets aimlessly and soon found himself in front of the train station. Turning towards the brightly-lit city street, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the display window of one of the shops.

No, he couldn't meet Smoker while looking like this. But in spite of his melancholy, Law knew better than to cancel the meeting. Smoker would immediately sense that something was wrong if he did.

Making his way towards a bench near their meeting place, Law sat down heavily with a sigh.

The noise from the bustling city surrounded him as he watched the people passing by. It seemed as if everyone except him was smiling. There were people talking on their mobile phones, friends and lovers chatting happily as they walked by, businessmen hurrying past, adjusting the ties on their worn-looking suits. Some women whispered to their companions excitedly when they caught sight of him, while others cast him suspicious looks.

None of it mattered to Law.

Watching the crowds emerging out of and disappearing back into the darkness soon gave him a headache. He closed his eyes, only to have the image of that person appear in his mind. He opened his eyes again in despair.

That person, with his flaming scarlet hair, would never come for him.

Law ran a hand through his hair angrily. Hadn't he decided not to regret this? Hadn't he convinced himself that he would be better off without Kid?

Biting down on his lower lip, he forced the tears back. He would not cry again.

**XXXXXX**

Law didn't know how much time had passed, when the sudden vibration of the phone in his pocket jolted him back to reality. Drawing the phone out hastily, he pushed the 'answer' button.

"...Look up."

Law glanced up to see his former teacher, just as the familiar scent of tobacco drifted around him.

"...Smoker..."

"It's been a while, Law... What's with that look?"

"Heheh, it's nothing."

Law stood up, did a little stretch, and began leading the way. After a few minutes of walking, they reached a small eatery, and were soon seated along the counter.

"2 beers, please... I hope you don't mind, sir."

"It's alright. And stop calling me "sir"... You're not my student anymore, though you'll always be a brat to me..."

"That's mean," Law gave a small smile. Just then, Smoker turned to face Law, and reached out to ruffle his hair.

"What are you doing...?"

"The brat's looking gloomy tonight."

"Are you trying to comfort me?"

"...Yes."

Except for his new close-cropped haircut and all-back style, Smoker was just as Law had remembered him. The memories and nostalgia of high school came flooding back, and Law soon found himself slowly relaxing in the presence of the other man.

The beers arrived, and they did a toast. Law downed the mug's contents in one go, hoping to suppress all the negative emotions and just concentrate on enjoying himself.

They soon started chatting, their conversation moving from recent events to work, school and life in general. The time passed quickly, aided by the constant flow of alcohol.

Eventually, the topic of Kid came up.

It was nothing new to Smoker. In fact, when a confused and frustrated Law had first approached him all those years ago, he was the one who had suggested that the young student might be in love with Kid.

Since then, Law had slowly opened up to Smoker, often seeking him out for advice. As such, it wasn't difficult for Law to broach the topic now.

"...He's rejected me," Law whispered, clutching the beer mug in his hands. He'd forgotten the number of mugs he'd had so far, only that it had been too many.

Smoker turned to look at Law, "...so you've told him?"

"Yes. He said... that he's sorry."

"I see..." Smoker replied, exhaling and watching the cigar smoke slowly drift up to the ceiling.

Law's head was pounding, and he felt like puking as he leaned down to rest his head in his arms. He just wanted to forget.

Smoker patted Law gently on the back, silently comforting him as he continued to smoke.

**XXXXXX**

It was 11pm. The number of customers in the eatery had slowly dwindled as the evening passed, and soon, Smoker suggested that they leave as well.

Law shivered as he stepped outside and was immediately buffeted by the freezing wind. He instinctively reached up to wrap his muffler tighter around his neck.

_'Where...'_

His hand stilled.

_'Oh... That's right. I'd thrown it away.'_

"...Shall I send you home?" Smoker offered.

"I'm not a child. I can get home by myself."

"You're not walking straight."

"Shut up... Stop following me."

The bustling city had fallen silent, and most of the stores along the street were dark. Only the decorative illuminations in some of the shops served to light the way.

"Law."

He ignored the voice calling his name, walking on and doing his best to overcome the slight wobble in his step.

"Oi, Law."

"I said, stop following me..."

The footsteps behind him did not stop.

"Do you want to forget him?"

Law halted. After a long pause, he shook his head slowly.

Yes, he wanted to forget Kid, but he knew that he'd never be able to do so. It would be impossible to forget someone so easily, especially when he truly loved that person with all his heart...

"Law."

He felt Smoker's warm hand land on his shoulder, before gently turning him around. The tears that had been gathering in his eyes finally spilled over.

He felt totally wretched.

He hated himself for being useless, unable to win the affections of the one he loved most. For being so needy and selfish, choosing to unload his problems onto others.

He was just a childish, miserable, weak fool, leeching off of others' kindness.

No, this was all a mistake. He shouldn't have contacted Smoker and asked for his company, when the only one on his mind was Kid. When the only name that kept resounding in his mind was the redhead's.

He never wanted to stop reaching, never wanted to stop dreaming.

White snow started to fall from the dark, silent sky.

"...Does it hurt?"

With the pad of his thumb, Smoker gently wiped the tears from his face.

"...Do you still love him?"

Fresh tears streaked down his cheeks, a wordless answer.

Smoker pulled Law into his arms, and he leaned heavily against the older man, muffling his sobs in his chest.

He could no longer go back. He wouldn't be able to speak to Kid again, to laugh with him. There was nothing left for him in their broken friendship.

How was he going to survive from now on? What was he going to live for? He knew he needed to move on, but he didn't know where to go.

It should have been enough. Seeing Kid smile, holding his hand, being by his side... It should have been more than enough.

But human desire would always crave for more, bringing about destruction through its greed. It was an endless cycle, running through today, tomorrow, and forever into the future. The world would be smeared with desire, drowning in itself, destroying and craving more. Only a lucky few could ever escape and achieve happiness.

"Will... I ever be happy?"

His voice sounded so weak to his ears.

"...Kid..."

He could no longer stop himself from calling out that forbidden name.

"...Law. Listen to me. There is happiness, and I know you'll find it. In fact, there are many things, large and small, that can make you happy. Simple things like having a good meal, or chatting with a friend, or being alive. These can all bring happiness. You don't need to rely on a single person for that."

Smoker's words echoed in his heart. It was just like what a teacher would say. Law's lips formed a weak smile.

"You'll be alright. So, don't cry."

Smoker tilted Law's face upward. The falling snow landed on his cheeks.

"Law. Trust me..."

Smoker's warm hand gently caressed his face, wiping away the melted snow. Law felt something breaking inside of him.

_'...Kid...'_

Law closed his eyes as Smoker's lips descended upon his own.

_'Goodbye, Eustass-ya. I will always love you.'_

A final tear made its way down Law's cheek.

"...Smoker..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**viv-heart**: Yesss, it's all gonna get reeeeally complicated from now on. Hold on tight! ＼（Ｔ∇Ｔ）／

**darkimpulse**: We'll see how Kid feels soon!

**Itavita**: I knowwwww. Kid just cares so much for Law, just not in the way he wants. （ ＴДＴ） We'll see if SmoLaw develops somewhere sometime too~

**NebulaHeroine**: Yeahhh, it's really depressing when all you wanna do is give Law a big hug! Hope you like this chapter with the SmoLaw interaction (｡´∀｀)ﾉ

**AMBher**: *gives more*

**Puroppu**: I'm glad you love the fic. I love it too! (*^▽^*)

**Bima-chan**: *hands you tissue* I know, the hurt is so good! ヽ(；▽；)ノ

**YOO**: I know, it's a really sad story and there's so much frustration for the reader. Yet the author doesn't give you any easy scapegoat character to vent that anger on, which I feel is quite brilliant.

**ladyevilbunny**: Yes, there is more to come! Though Law will still be quite a ways from happiness... o(╥﹏╥)o

**loogoo**: I agree. This is a beautiful story (´▽`ʃƪ)


	8. Chapter 8

Konnichiwa!

A short chapter, but there is smut.

But it's not what you'd expect.

Enjoy!

**Chapter warning:** NSFW. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Law's fingers rested lightly against Smoker's lips, halting his progress.

The older man's face was so close, his nose touching Law's and their misted breaths mingling in the cold winter air.

Smoker frowned as he stared at Law. The younger male was trembling; his face flushed, tiny snowflakes caught upon the lashes of his closed eyes.

"...Law."

"I'm sorry, Smoker..."

"It's alright... Is this your answer, then?"

"Yes..." Law whispered with a small nod.

Kid might have rejected him, but Law's heart still refused to budge. He was weak and lonely, but he could not give himself to another just because of that.

It had to be Kid. No one else would do.

"...Thank you, Smoker..."

"It's alright..."

Smoker ran his hand through Law's hair once more, before letting him go. Reaching up, he removed the deep blue muffler from his neck and gently wrapped it around Law's throat.

"Won't want you to catch a cold."

"But you'll be cold too," Law protested with a slight smile. Indeed, Smoker's close-cropped hair didn't look like it offered much protection against the freezing wind.

"You're the one who's always falling ill," Smoker retorted as he lit a fresh cigar.

The snow continued to fall silently as the two parted amicably.

**XXXXXX**

Back home, Law lightly dusted the snow off his coat at the entrance before stepping into his dark apartment.

Switching on the lights, he padded into the kitchen to get himself a drink of water. The cold liquid stung his throat on its way down as he recalled the evening's events.

_'Just what... was I thinking...?'_

Finishing his drink, he made his way to the bathroom, haphazardly discarding his clothes on the floor.

Law turned on the faucet, before leaning against the bathroom wall and letting the hot water pound against his back. Closing his eyes, he recalled Kid's smile and his voice, and felt his body growing hot.

Law reached down and took a hold of his hardening member. With his eyes closed, he imagined Kid in front of him, Kid's lips upon his, Kid's hands on his body instead of his own.

_'Touch me... More, more...'_

Law imagined his hands tangling in crimson hair, wrapping around Kid's thick neck, caressing Kid's shoulders and chest. He imagined himself smiling as he returned Kid's kisses.

He increased the pace of his strokes, as precum began to drip unto the tiled floor.

"Mmn... Uhh... Ah..."

_'Touch me... Let me touch you too...'_

Law wrapped his arms around Kid's broad back, pressing himself tighter against the other man as Kid's lips left a trail of marks down his torso. Kid's hand had moved to touch his nipple, rubbing and pinching at the sensitive nub. Law saw himself writhing, a hand pressed against his mouth in an attempt to muffle his moans.

Law lifted his own hand to his chest, touching his nipple in the same way as Kid was doing in his mind. His moans echoed off the walls of the bathroom.

"Haah... Mm...! Aaah..."

Kid flicked at his nipple with a black-polished nail before licking the abused nub, causing goosebumps to rise along Law's back. He smirked before licking his way further down, planting a kiss at Law's navel. He then lifted Law's legs to rest upon his broad shoulders. Law averted his eyes in embarrassment. Kid smiled at him, leaning forward to whisper sweet words in his ear, while his fingers playfully teased at Law's entrance.

"Eu...sta...! Haah, Eustass...-ya...!"

Law stroked himself faster, the steam from the bath enveloping him. He was vaguely aware that he was crying, the tears indistinguishable from the water running from the showerhead.

He imagined Kid's fingers rubbing slow soothing circles around his entrance before slowly pushing a single digit inside.

Despite his imagination, Law could not conjure a similar sensation in reality. He had never touched himself there. As such, the scene in his head always stopped at this moment.

"...Aaah...! Haah, Eu...stass-ya...!"

With a final stroke, he came onto the bathroom floor. The white cum swirled for a moment in the water at his feet before disappearing down the drain.

Struggling to catch his breath, Law let his knees buckle as he leaned against the bathroom wall, sliding down to sit on the cold, wet tiles. A sense of emptiness threatened to suffocate him.

"...Haah... Kid... Kid..."

It always ended like this. He would pleasure himself by imagining these scenarios with the other man, then drown in the feelings of loneliness and guilt that followed.

_'Why don't you want me? Am I not good enough?'_

He could not stop his tears.

He wanted to smile, to return in time to that moment long ago, to tell Kid of his feelings before any of this could have happened.

Would it have changed anything? Would Kid be by his side now?

Yet promises lay broken, dreams shattered, his hands left to grasp at empty air.

He had nothing.

"...I love you..."

There was nothing left, apart from these useless words.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Angelmon**: We'll see Kid in the next chapter! (;° ロ°)

**Muffin**: I knowwwwww! Smo-yan likes Law too, and it's gonna get complicated... :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

**Itavita** &amp; **darkimpulse**: Sorry to dash your SmoLaw hopes for the moment... _:(´□`」 ∠):_

**YOO**: Yeah, it does seem that way, huh? But no worries, Law can still (somewhat) take care of himself!

**angelionfire** &amp; **Collette Nicole**: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ( ˘ ³˘)❤

**Todoay**: Yeahhh, Law knows what he wants, but he's just slightly socially-inept, so he doesn't really interact well with people... (╯_╰)

**loogoo**: Sorry to disappoint you! Law doesn't want any SmoLaw right now lol

**NebulaHeroine**: Heyyyy! Hope you had a great time at the con! And thank you, I'm just glad you're enjoying the story! But yeahhh, Law's not gonna be happy for a long long time to come... o(╥﹏╥)o


	9. Chapter 9

Hello!

Sorry for the recent lack of updates, just returned from a long vacation to Japan (yay!). So yep, enjoy the new chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

The bell rang, signalling the end of class.

Law laid down his pen, stretched his muscles, and stood up from his seat.

Opening the door to the classroom, he felt a cold wind sweeping down the corridor. He frowned, searching for the source of the stiff breeze, and spotted a row of open windows along the far end of the corridor. Someone must have opened them to get some fresh air and forgotten to close them again. With a sigh, Law walked over and slid the windows close, before making his way to his next class.

There were many students around, also on their way. Law passed by some friends, though he spared them nothing more than a glance and cursory wave.

Then, it happened. He spotted a glimpse of red in the crowd.

They were in different faculties, but somehow, there he was.

Law clucked his tongue in annoyance. There was no other way to go but forward. Reluctantly, he walked on, his heartbeat increasing with each step.

He hadn't been anticipating a meeting so soon after yesterday, which still felt like a dream to him. Would Kid pretend as if nothing had happened, and smile at him?

Law bit on his lower lip, dreading the moment when Kid would see him. His hands clenched into fists in his jeans pockets, and he could feel the ring cutting into his palm, a restrictive band crushing his finger.

Kid was laughing, surrounded by a large group of friends. Law watched the redhead, wondering if he had spotted him.

However, Kid brushed right past him, as if they were strangers.

Law turned in disbelief to see him walking away, still laughing and chatting, with one arm slung around a friend's shoulder.

Law took a deep breath, his bottom lip quivering. The unspeakable emotions and feelings of helplessness welled up in his chest, before a surge of frustration overtook his mind. Before he knew what was happening, he had ripped the ring from his finger and flung it towards Kid.

The ring flew through the air and hit Kid in the back, before falling to the floor with a soft clink. Kid halted, and slowly turned to glance at his feet.

"Kid?"

One of the group had called out to the redhead, and Kid signalled for them to go ahead without him.

By then, the corridor had cleared of students, and they were the only ones left.

Without a word, Kid stooped to pick up the ring. Standing back up, he gave a soft sigh.

"...You could have given it back nicely."

His words pierced Law's heart. It had only been a day, yet Kid already felt so cold and distant. Was their friendship really that shallow?

"...What's wrong with you..." Law hissed.

"Huh?"

The dam holding Law's emotions back finally broke.

"...I said, what's wrong with you...!"

Law's shout echoed down the corridor, the effort forcing tears into his eyes.

"Why?! Why are you smiling...?!"

"...Huh?"

"Why am I the only one...?! Feeling this way...? And you...!"

Law's voice had trailed to a pained whisper.

He wanted to go back, wanted to smile, and the sudden realization that it was no long possible hurt. He didn't want to leave Kid, but staying with him had brought nothing but sorrow.

He was alone, wandering lost in a void of empty hope. Everything he had done had failed, and he no longer knew if he should continue to act strong, or just allow the weakness to overtake him.

"Oi... Trafalgar..."

Kid had closed the distance between them, and now stood before him. Law felt embarrassed at how pathetic he must seem, yet he could do nothing but sigh.

He was really a fool, torturing himself like this. He grabbed onto Kid's shirt.

"...I don't want this anymore... Why am I the only one... feeling the pain...?"

"...Trafalgar."

Kid lifted a hand to Law's cheek, only to have it swatted away.

"Don't touch me...! Your kindness makes me sick...!"

"Dammit... Why won't you just tell me what you want, and stop acting like the victim here?!"

Law flinched at Kid's outburst, before finally lifting his eyes to meet Kid's. However, the tears blurred his vision, and all he could make out was the red of the other man's hair.

"...I don't understand... Why... am I holding on...?"

When Law had first understood his love for Kid, his initial wish was for Kid to hold his hand. As the two got closer, that wish was easily granted. Over time, Law's desires were slowly fulfilled, from pats on the head, to indirect kisses, to sharing a bed with Kid whenever one stayed over at the other's place.

He should have been satisfied, yet he craved for more. Before he realized it, he had fallen in too deep to escape.

How many times had he whispered "I like you" behind Kid's back?

How many times had he mouthed the words "I really like you" into Kid's hair?

How many times had he silently shouted "I love you" when he looked into Kid's eyes?

And now, they weren't even friends anymore.

"...Why... am I the only one... still in love with you...?"

_'Why did it turn out this way?'_

"...I want to forget... but I still love you...!"

_'Why won't you love me too?'_

"I can't live without Eustass-ya, but..."

_'Am I not good enough?'_

"...You won't even... look at me..."

_'She is the only one you see.'_

The tears slid down his cheeks, dripping onto the floor.

All the while, Kid had remained silent, staring at him. Law swallowed thickly, before forcing himself to continue.

"...But, I don't want to stop seeing you..."

Kid's lips tightened as he averted his eyes.

"It hurts that I can't speak to you..."

"Trafalgar..."

"...Eustass-ya... Look at me..."

_'I want you to look at me.'_

"Say you love me... Please, Eustass-ya..."

_'I want you to say you love me.'_

"...Hold me... Eustass-ya..."

_'I want you to embrace me in your arms.'_

Kid turned his gaze back to Law, before reaching out and pulling the smaller man into a tight embrace. Slowly, Law responded, wrapping his trembling arms around Kid's body, clinging onto the redhead. He felt Kid raise a hand to stroke his hair, while the other remained firm around his waist, keeping him close.

Yes, being held by Kid in this manner had been one of his wishes.

But Kid had not spoken the words he so wanted to hear.

Why? Why? Why...?

_'...But I still love you.'_

Kid might be rough and rude, childish and silly, but Law still loved him.

He could never hate Kid. He could never leave him.

"Eustass-ya...! Eu...stass...-ya..."

_'Please, take my hand.'_

"Don't... leave me...!"

_'Please, don't leave me alone.'_

"...Stay... with me..."

Kid's arms tightened even further.

He knew what Kid would say next, and though he dreaded the words, there was nothing he could do to stop them from coming. Law moved his hands to cover his ears, tears streaking down his face.

"Let's go back... Trafalgar..."

Law screamed, his anguish muffled in Kid's chest. His heart thudded heavily in his chest; there was so much pain.

"Let's go back to being friends..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**darkimpulse**: The angst is going to get worse, so continue to brace yourself! And I guess Kid's really confused at the moment too. ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

**Eustass-ya**: Hey babe! Here's your wish: interaction between the two. Hope you liked it! （*´▽｀*）

**Itavita**: Smoker will definitely come back again later in the story~

**NebulaHeroine**: Expecting the worse is sort of the best thing for this fic, IMO. It really does not let up... （ｉДｉ）

**Angelmon**: Here it is, hope you liked it!

**Guest**: Sorry for the short chapters! I try to follow the original work's chapter as much as possible, so please bear with it. Thanks!

**Muffin**: *hugs your feels* Yes, let's be strong for dear Law! ＼(*T▽T*)／

**Hrosanna**: Thank you! I'm sure the author will be thrilled to hear your comments! *hands you tissue* (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

**loogoo**: I know. I like that Smoker is portrayed as such a mature and stable character who truly respects Law's choices. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

**WolfirePrincess**: That's the thing, it really seems as if Kid does not have any romantic feelings for Law... And since Law has basically been hiding his feelings all along, despite Kid getting a girlfriend and even when he did the proposal, I don't blame him at all. Law has never hinted that he wanted anything other than friendship until now, so it's really impossible for poor Kid to know. (o˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )

**vetii**: Thank you! I'm so glad you like the story! *hugs* (๑・ω-)～

**Lucifer**: Here's the update! Sorry for it coming so late! _ Yeahh, everyone in this story is caught up in this predicament, and someone's definitely going to walk away with their heart broken... (╥﹏╥)


	10. Chapter 10

HelloooOOoooo~~~

Things are starting to go downhill... What's gonna happen next?! (°o°；)

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

_It used to be enough._

_Even if we were not together as lovers, as long as I could stay by your side and share a smile with you, it was enough._

_And it should have been enough, just to be your friend._

_But when did it start?_

_When did I start wanting more?_

_Even though all it brought was pain and sorrow._

**XXXXXX**

"Let's go back."

The words were painfully cruel, yet said with such gentleness that it pierced Law's heart.

If none of them could choose to let go, then this was the only way out.

All he wanted was for Kid to say those three words, but he didn't; not even as a lie.

_'I love you.'_

Kid would hold him in his arms, kiss him on the lips, but the redhead just would not say those words he craved to hear.

Things would have been so much easier had Kid just pushed him away, hit him in the face and told him he was disgusting. But he didn't.

Law didn't want to go back, to again be led on blindly by false hope. If only he could run far away, so far that he could no longer hear Kid's voice calling his name.

"...I need to get to class. I'll see you soon... Trafalgar."

Kid slowly loosened his grip around Law, then turned and walked away without a backward glance.

_'Why did you say "see you again"? Why are you putting me through this agony?'_

Law bit his lower lip, resisting the urge to chase after Kid and throw his arms around the taller man.

"..."

It hurt so much, Law couldn't breathe. He felt like he was trapped under the dark sea, unable to swim to the surface. No matter how he struggled, he could not free himself.

Slowly closing his eyes, he lifted his pinky finger, now devoid of the ring, and laid a soft kiss upon it.

"...Eustass-ya..."

When Kid brushed past him just now, he had noticed that Kid was no longer wearing the matching ring on his pinky finger.

The memory aggravated the painful throbbing of his heart. To think that he had treasured that ring, cherished it with such gentleness, only to learn that Kid had not done the same.

_'You were the one who destroyed this relationship. How shallow it must be, how unimportant I probably am to you, if you could treat it with such indifference.'_

Those thoughts had clouded his mind when he flung the ring at Kid. If they were really true, then Law did not want the ring anymore.

Despite all this, his mind continued to silently plead for Kid to turn around and embrace him once again. Unable to stop his tears, he wrapped his trembling arms around his body in a weak attempt to hold on to some of Kid's warmth.

He didn't know how long he stood there, alone in the corridor, crying like a child.

He felt like a lovestruck fool, but he just couldn't stop loving the man.

"...Eustass-ya..."

The pain throbbed relentlessly in his heart.

**XXXXXX**

It was a few days later, right after the bell signalling the end of school sounded, when his mobile phone chimed happily, indicating an incoming message.

"Shall we walk home together today?"

The false cheer in the message brought a frown to Law's lips. Quietly, he packed up his things before typing a short reply.

"See you at the gate."

Though he tried his best to act normal, Law found himself hurrying to the school gates. Stopping to catch his breath, he fidgeted uneasily as he waited for Kid to arrive.

After a few minutes, the redhead joined him at the gate.

"...Hey."

"Hi..."

Law averted his eyes as an awkward tension settled upon them.

He was at a loss of what to say. He tried to recall the countless times in the past four years when he'd meet up with Kid at this very spot. Law tried to recreate the same feeling, but he just couldn't remember the details.

Without a word, Kid turned and walked out the gate. He felt so distant, as if they were strangers. Law couldn't understand why.

Even so, he hurried to catch up.

_'I love you. I love you, Eustass-ya.'_

The treacherous words echoed in Law's mind. He clenched his hands into fists, forcing down the urge to slip his cold fingers into Kid's hand.

Just then, Kid turned to face him.

"...I was just wondering, where's your muffler?"

"...I threw it away."

It had probably been taken to a dump somewhere, or burned in an incinerator like trash. Smoker's muffler still hung in his closet, but Law couldn't bring himself to use it.

"...I see."

Kid turned away from Law again, his expression unreadable. Law swallowed painfully as he cast his eyes to the ground.

**XXXXXX**

"...Hey, you wanna come to my place for a few drinks?"

They had reached the spot where they usually parted when Kid quietly voiced his invitation.

"What...?"

"It's Friday, right? Just, stay over tonight, ok?"

"... I... need to get home..."

Law made a move to back away, but Kid had moved forward to grab his arm.

"Don't go home."

Crimson eyes bore into his own. Law cringed away from the fierce gaze.

"Don't go home," Kid repeated.

"But... I don't have clothes to change into... Just let me go get some-"

"You can wear mine. Don't leave... I know you'll never come back if you do."

Law flinched. Kid sounded so convinced that he would run away. Did he really seem like such a coward?

But it was true. Law knew that if he went home, he'd never be able to bring himself to go to Kid's place. It seemed like all these years of friendship had enabled Kid to read him like an open book.

Kid's grip tightened on his arm.

"...Eustass-ya...!"

He wanted Kid to stop doing this, to stop leading him on and keeping him trapped in this hopeless love, yet it felt like Kid was determined to keep Law in his life.

Kid turned and started walking briskly towards his apartment block. Law could do nothing but be dragged along, trying not to trip over his own feet. However, when Kid opened the door to his apartment and all but shoved Law inside, he lost his balance and landed heavily on his knees.

Before he could regain his senses, he felt Kid pulling him to his feet and leading him to the living room table. He blinked, finally noticing the convenience store bags spread out on the low table, filled with unopened bags of snacks.

In that moment, Law realized that Kid had it all planned. Whether he liked it or not, Law would have ended up here today, forced to act out this routine of false amity.

He cast his gaze around the room. He noted with surprise that Kid's apartment was in a mess; in all the years that he'd known the redhead, he had never seen the man's home in such a state before.

"Sit."

While Law was distracted by the condition of the apartment, Kid had moved to the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the fridge. Now, he placed the beers onto the table and sat down.

Law quietly followed suit, grabbing a can and pulling open the tab. The strong smell of the alcohol stung his nose.

Without a word, the two men opened some packets of snacks and started eating, taking occassional swigs of beer between bites. The tension was thick, as each waited for the other to speak.

Before Law knew it, it was evening. They had left school at about five in the afternoon, and the clock on the wall now read 9 p.m.

During this time, Kid had turned on the TV, and was watching some comedy programme. He had not spoken a word to Law, who sat silently by his side.

Law was wondering if he should make up some excuse to leave when Kid spoke up.

"...Hey."

Law lifted his eyes to Kid's face to see the redhead looking solemnly at him.

"What do you like about me...?"

Law's eyes widened, before clouding over with suspicion. Frowning, he averted his eyes.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to say it so suddenly..." Kid apologized, rubbing the back of his head absently.

"I..."

_'I like everything about you.'_

The reply surfaced readily in Law's mind, yet he couldn't bring himself to speak it. And why should he, when he knew that it wouldn't change anything?

"I... like how much of an insensitive idiot you are..."

Despite the ugly emotions churning in his heart, Law forced a smile, trying to take the bite out of his words. It was the same answer that he had given to the redhead before all this had happened. He wondered if Kid still remembered.

"Thanks, but no thanks," Kid laughed, then reached out to ruffle Law's hair affectionately.

There it was again, that cruel kindness.

Law continued to smile, holding back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

**XXXXXX**

Law didn't realize that he had managed to fall asleep until he woke up. Glancing up at the clock, he noted that it was only 11 p.m., and sighed with relief, knowing that he hadn't been out for long.

Looking around, he spotted Kid sprawled out on the sofa opposite the room, snoring away softly.

Quietly, Law moved across the room and knelt down by the sofa, looking down into Kid's sleeping face. After a while, he hesitantly lifted a hand and gently stroked Kid's cheek with the pad of his thumb.

_'You're such an idiot...'_

The room was silent, save for the ticking of the clock. Law figured that Kid must have switched off the TV before he fell asleep.

His hand still resting lightly on Kid's cheek, Law couldn't stop himself as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Kid's lips.

Kid did not wake up, and after ensuring that the redhead was still asleep, Law closed his eyes, softly placing kiss after chaste kiss onto the other man's lips.

Through all this, Kid never once stirred. Law briefly wondered if he was exhausted from school, or if he was just drunk from the alcohol.

Reveling in the thrill of Kid waking at any moment, Law deepened the kiss. Kid's lips had parted slightly, and Law took the chance to slip his tongue into the sleeping man's mouth.

His body was trembling from his withheld desires as he felt his groin growing hot.

He knew he needed to stop, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Uuh... Ahh... Eustass-ya..."

He felt like a shameless and dirty whore.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he reluctantly pulled away from Kid's lips.

Just then, a heavy thud sounded behind him.

"...What... are you doing...? Law-kun..."

Law flinched, turning around to see the last person he wanted to see standing by the door to the apartment.

She was wearing an expensive-looking beige coat with a fur collar, and black stockings that emphasized her long legs. However, the expression on her face was in complete contrast to her beautiful clothes.

At her feet were several plastic bags filled with what looked like Kid's stuff, as well as some bottled drinks, some of which were rolling away from where she had dropped them.

"...What are you doing?!" She shouted again as she advanced upon Law, raising her hand to strike him. Law attempted to move away, but he was too slow, and he felt her sharp nails slice painfully across his cheek.

The impact of the blow threw him off balance and he landed on his side. Unable to hold back his emotions, he glared up at her from the floor.

"Whatever it was I did, you had no right to hit me."

"What...?! You're disgusting!"

Her shout echoed throughout the tiny apartment and roused Kid from his sleep.

"Huh?! Wha-... Why are you here...?"

With a cry, she dived into Kid's arms.

"Kid! You'd left some of your things in my car... And because I was somewhere nearby, I thought I would come by and drop them off. Plus, I just wanted to see you, so..."

She continued her account tearfully, looking up into Kid's face. However, the redhead, unable to grasp the situation, couldn't seem to make sense of her words. He looked at her in confusion, then lifted his eyes to Law.

"...Trafalgar... Your cheek, it's bleeding..."

To Law's complete surprise, Kid stretched out a hand towards him. But before he could reach Law, she had slapped it away angrily.

"Please, Kid. Please never meet up with Law-kun again!"

With this, she burst into helpless sobs.

The sight of her crying caused an uncomfortable memory to resurface in Law's mind. Hadn't he cried just like that a few days ago? Watching her, Law realized with a start that he wasn't the only one being hurt.

"Kid's been acting so strange these days. It must be Law-kun's fault...! Kid, you know, don't you?! You know how Law-kun feels about you..."

Kid gave an audible gulp, but didn't voice any denial. She shook her head at Kid's silence before continuing.

"You're still kind to me, but it feels different... And it's just so painful..."

Yes, everyone, be it she, himself, or Kid, was filled with desires. No matter how much they each tried to push those desires away, they could never completely get rid of them.

What of kindness? What of being someone's everything? What of the struggles to protect and attain those emotions?

All of it was meaningless. They were all grasping at emptiness, watching helplessly as everything slipped through their fingers.

It had never been easy. They were all struggling, wishing for something, being led on and losing their way on this search for happiness.

"Eustass-ya has chosen me..." Law whispered. She whipped her head around to face him.

"Isn't that right...? Eustass-ya..."

"What are you saying...?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"You wake up to see your girlfriend crying, but the one you're worried about is me," Law continued, a crooked grin slowly spreading across his face.

_'It must be true. Normally, a man would have been worried about his girlfriend, and asked why she was crying. But not you, Eustass-ya, you were worried that I was bleeding.'_

"That's not true! Kid! Please say it's not true...!"

She had grabbed onto Kid's shirt in her panic and was shaking him. Kid remained silent.

"...Sunday, 2 p.m., at our usual spot. It's your choice whether to come or not, but I'll wait for you. If you don't appear, you'll never see me again."

Still grinning, Law stood up and wiped the blood from his cheek.

_'Yes, just a little more. Just a little more and I'll have you in my arms... I believe in you, Eustass-ya, so I have to push you. I know you'll choose me. Because you've always been kind like that... '_

"I'll be waiting... Eustass-ya..."

With those words, Law silently left the apartment.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**erinholly brown**: The angst is just gonna keep coming... (x~x)

**darkimpulse**: I think especially after this chapter, it's hard to see where Kid's heart lies, but for now, it's definitely not with Law. (_)

**Muffin**: Don't cryyyy. *hands tissue* Let's hope for Law to be happy someday...

**Racelett**: So glad you like this fic! And yeah, Smoker does have feelings for Law, but so far Law hasn't found the will to let Kid go yet.

**Itavita**: I knowwww. I'm just so afraid that Law's gonna end up losing it all... *sobs* ・(/Д`)・

**Angelmon**: Yeah, Kid's thinking is really straightforward like that. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Cucuxumusu**: Stay strong for Law! And Kid's having a really hard time too. Must be tough finding out that your friend for 4 years has always loved you just when you're getting engaged to your long-time girlfriend... （ ＴДＴ）

**Puroppu**: We'll see, but I doubt Law will be able to actually find someone else until he can give Kid up.

**Lucifer**: I think they're all equally upset now, judging by what happened in this chapter. As for the ending, the actual story hasn't ended so I'm not sure too. ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

**Green Wooden Room**: I know, angst just gets to you more when you've actually gone through a similar experience. And you just can't help but love the hurt it causes. Guess we're all masochists like that lol.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi sweet things!

Sorry for the long break in updates! m(_ _)m I promise to bring regular updates in the future!

Meanwhile, enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

_This is the end._

_"Sunday, 2 p.m., at our usual spot."_

_This is my final gamble. I know what he wants, but I also know what I want._

_Yes, I am despicable._

_"I'll be waiting... Eustass-ya."_

**XXXXXX**

Thick clouds obscured the sky and casted a dark shadow upon the ground.

It was early afternoon, yet it was already growing dark and slightly chilly. However, the flow of people along the streets was as thick as ever, probably due to the fact that it was Sunday.

Law walked alone, frowning as he pushed his way through the usual crowd milling about in front of the train station.

It was 1:45 p.m. Fifteen minutes to the meeting time.

Whenever they met up, Law would always be the one to arrive slightly late. In fact, this was the first time he had actually arrived early.

He had his earphones plugged in, and was listening to some music as he pulled the phone out from his pocket.

"I'm busy this Sunday."

Law had been receiving short messages like this from Kid all day.

"Pick up the phone. I need to talk to you."

He had not replied any of the messages.

"...Seriously. I really can't make it on Sunday. Can we do this another day?"

After reading each message, he had deleted them.

"Why must you be so stubborn...? Stop ignoring me and return my call."

Law remembered that Kid had once told him how he and his girlfriend would go on dates every Sunday.

With this knowledge, he had taken the final gamble.

Law knew he was forcing his hand, but he also knew that there would never be a conclusion otherwise.

_'Please, let me be selfish just this once. With this, you'll finally be free.'_

Law smiled. Yes, Kid would be free, not from Law, but from her. And when that happens, he could finally return to Law's side.

He was willing to bet it all.

"Trafalgar."

That was Kid's last message to him. Law could just imagine the frustration marring the redhead's features. For a brief moment, he wondered if she had spoken to Kid of what had happened in his apartment two days ago. Of what Law had done to him while he lay sleeping...

Anxiety welled up in his chest as he leaned back against the statue and looked up at the sky.

He had rushed out of the house this morning, not even stopping to check the weather forecast. Now, Law frowned as he watched the black clouds rolling in.

He debated running to a convenience store to buy an umbrella, or to continue his wait at a nearby cafe. In the end, he remained at his post, afraid that he would miss Kid should he stray from the arranged meeting place.

Yes, it was best to just wait it out.

Law slipped the phone back into his pocket and glanced around. Scanning the crowd, he couldn't spot any sign of the redhead, yet the nearby clock tower showed that it was already past 2 p.m.

_'It's alright... He will surely come. It's in his nature; he has always been so kind.'_

Law bit down on his trembling lip and forced a smile, knowing that if he didn't, the tears would begin to flow.

**XXXXXX**

"...So cold..."

Afternoons in February were already freezing, but the weather that day just made things worse.

Law regreted not having gone to buy a muffler, as he rubbed his hands together and blew on them in an attempt to gain some warmth.

It was 3 p.m. For the past hour, Law had stood, paced around the statue, and sat on the ground, unable to keep calm.

The crowd had thinned out a little, providing little protection from the blustery winds that whipped past Law.

There was still no sign of Kid.

Law felt sick. Feelings of anxiety and anticipation fought for dominance in his heart.

The cold finally winning over, he made his way to a nearby vending machine to purchase a can of coffee.

Returning to his spot, he sat with his back against the statue and downed the entire can in one gulp. The bitter taste of the drink spread throughout his mouth, bringing some much-needed warmth back into his system.

Law drew his knees up to his chest, burying his face in his arms.

Maybe he should have picked another spot for their meeting. The memories of this location were just too overwhelming. It was the place where they'd often meet up at after school. It was also where Kid had given him that precious ring, slipping it so gently onto his finger.

He wondered where the ring was now. Maybe Kid had dumped it, or tucked it away into some forgotten corner. Either way, he berated himself for throwing it away so easily.

Raising his head slightly from the cradle of his arms, Law peeked at the people walking past. Some passers-by were giving him suspicious and slightly contempt looks out of the corners of their eyes as they hurried past. Others barely paid him any attention at all; parents pulling their children along by the hand, and some couples strolling past, arms happily wrapped around each other's shoulders or waists.

How suspicious he must look; a heavily tattooed man crouching in the shadows, wearing a thin shirt with a single jacket on such a cold day.

Yet he felt so pitiful, sitting alone in such a crowded place. He imagined himself as some heroine in a TV drama, and the thought brought a bitter smile to his lips.

_'...How hard it is to be human... Desire is the true driving force behind every person's actions; a malicious and shameful reality eating away at our hearts. It pushes us to commit foolish acts, to cause hurt, mocking us as we grope blindly for happiness.'_

Law ran a hand through his hair in frustration, then covered his ears.

He could not bear to hear the truth, even if it came from himself.

**XXXXXX**

Afraid that someone would mistake him for a criminal and call the police, Law stood up and dusted off his pants, before leaning against the side of the statue again.

It was now past 5 p.m.

He drew his phone out of his pocket, and was greeted by several unread messages. Lost in his thoughts, he had not noticed the phone vibrating.

"Please don't tell me you're still waiting."

"Call me. I'm worried about you."

"Come on. I promise I'll talk to you in school tomorrow."

"If you're still waiting, please go home."

"It's gonna rain. I don't want you falling sick, so go home."

"If we must meet up today, I'll go over to your place tonight, ok?"

The last message was sent just a few minutes ago.

"...You're such an idiot..." Law whispered to himself.

He knew that Kid was on a date with her, but the fact that he was still worried about Law stirred a faint spark of hope in his heart. Kid was such an idiot, but he was also too kind.

Law's lips curved into a small smile. Yes, he would win this gamble.

Clutching the phone to his heart, Law prayed.

_'Please come for me, Eustass-ya... I know you'll come, so I'll wait for you. I know you don't want to choose between us. I know I'm probably causing you so much pain. I know I'm despicable, but please come for me.'_

**XXXXXX**

It was 6 p.m. when Law felt the first drop of rain on his face.

Letting out a soft sigh, he looked up at the dark clouds. There was a sudden burst of activity on the street as people hastened their steps towards the nearest shelter or opened up their umbrellas against the oncoming downpour. The streetlights had already come on, reflecting off the pastel-coloured vinyl umbrellas that looked to be dancing in the early evening air.

Law continued to stand by the statue as it slowly began to pour. He was soon thoroughly drenched.

_'I know you'll come for me, so I'll wait a little longer.'_

His vision was blurry; was it because of the rain, or his tears? He bit down hard on his lower lip, trying to distract himself from the pain in his heart.

He couldn't breathe. He believed in Kid, but anxiety and despair continued to eat away at him. He was suffocating; conflicting feelings of jealousy and sorrow were threatening to overwhelm the initial victory and joy. Law desperately fought down the urge to vomit.

**XXXXXX**

He was sitting on the ground again, his muffled cries muted by the sound of the pouring rain.

The streets had emptied out, with a few passers-by left walking along the street. Nobody had come to speak to him, or to offer him an umbrella against the downpour.

Crying softly, Law buried his face further into his arms.

"...Eustass-ya... Eustass-ya..."

_'Please come soon. I'm waiting for you, so please come.'_

The bell of the nearby clock tower rang out. It was 7 p.m.

He knew he should head home, yet his heart refused to give up. He told himself to move, but his legs wouldn't obey him.

It was so cold. And it hurt so much...

He was still alone, listening to the sounds of people passing by, the rain falling onto the concrete pavement, and his own pathetic sobs.

Suddenly, the sound of the rain diminished, and he no longer felt the rain beating down on him.

"...I told you to go home, didn't I? You're such a stubborn bastard..."

In an instant, Law was up on his feet, throwing his arms around the neck of the one he had been waiting for. He vaguely saw a black umbrella fly out of Kid's grasp and land several feet away, before he felt the rain pouring down on them again.

"...You're such an idiot," Kid whispered in his ear.

Law let out a small chuckle, tightening his grip around Kid. He allowed the taller man's warmth to seep into his frozen body, and took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of Kid's cologne.

Kid had come for him. Law felt like he would burst from all the happiness filling his heart.

"I knew it... Because you're always so kind... I knew you'd come for me..."

Kid was wearing a leather jacket, which was now drenched by the rain. His crimson hair had also been matted down, framing his face. Throughout the exchange, he kept his arms by his side, not returning Law's embrace.

"Trafalgar... I can't choose... I can't lose either of you..."

Kid's voice was soft and weak, so unlike his usual tone. Law closed his eyes, burying his face into Kid's neck.

"...It's alright..." he whispered. He felt Kid stiffen.

It was time for the final gamble.

"I'm tired of all this pain... And I don't want to hurt you anymore. Eustass-ya, I've decided to stop loving you..."

Was it truth or lies that he spoke? Law did not know. His head hurt, and he hoped that he would not come down with a fever from staying out in the rain for so long.

But it would be worth it. An illness would dim out all that had happened today, should he gamble and lose. Now, he loosened his grip from around Kid's shoulders, before moving his hand to cup the side of the redhead's face.

"...I'll stop loving you, so will you grant my final request...?"

He waited, listening to the sound of Kid's breathing and the falling rain. After a few moments, he felt Kid's arms move to settle around his waist, a silent agreement.

Law took a deep breath and looked straight into Kid's eyes.

"...Make love to me... Kid..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**darkimpulse**: Yeah, I didn't expect the girlfriend to turn up too. Hope you like the new chapter!

**Cucuxumusu**: I knowwww, the kisses were so beautiful but painful. And Law is just so awkward when it comes to relationships, poor baby. (✖╭╮✖)

**ladyevilbunny**: Pray hard for the poor baby, he'll need it! (┳Д┳)

**Anon**: I think her reaction is justified. I mean, she's been in a loving relationship with Kid for the past 4 years and Law hasn't made any move until now, so I feel that her confusion and anger is to be expected. I feel bad for her, actually, since Kid appears to actually be wavering... (ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ

**Itavita**: Give him lots of hugs! He's already going crazy and making stupid decisions, and it'll only get worse... ('A`)

**Muffin**: Yeah, he's finally acting upon his feelings, but it's gonna come at the cost of hurting everyone involved. (/ _ ; )

**Lucifer**: Yeah, Law is becoming a little mad, and making all the wrong choices imo... And sucks to be Kid, he's really caught in the worst position.

**loogio**: *hugs*

**alfamky**: Thank you for following. Yes, Law is finally making his move. Let's hope that it doesn't backfire on him. (´Д｀。)


	12. Chapter 12

Konbanwa~~

This is the first part of what was one chapter in the original, but it was so long that I decided to snip it in half. So, enjoy this first part!

**Chapter warning:** NSFW. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

"Make love to me."

The strong downpour muted Law's request as he looked up at Kid's face, his vision blurred. Was it the rain, or the tears to blame; he didn't know. The warmth of Kid's arms around him seemed to burn through his skin.

There was hesitation in Kid's eyes as he averted his gaze for a moment, before looking back to Law. The smaller man thought he saw a faint hint of desire in those crimson eyes.

Lifting a hand up to Kid's hair, Law gently combed through the mess with his fingers as he whispered his request once more into Kid's ear.

"Make love to me, Eustass-ya."

"...You know I can't..." Kid groaned as he buried his head in Law's shoulder.

The rain continued to fall around them.

_'But you're embracing me right out here in public... How can you claim you have no feelings for me...?'_

The thought drew Law back to reality. It was just slightly past 7 p.m., and they were still standing along the busy roadway in front of the train station. A ceaseless stream of businessmen, office ladies and teens brushed past them on the street, casting curious and suspicious glances their way.

Law imagined looking through their eyes; two men, one crying his eyes out, the other holding on so tightly to the former.

All of a sudden, he felt the scorn and ridicule in their gazes. They were judging him. Here was a disgusting being; a heartless man who had no qualms about taking his most precious friendship and crushing it under his foot. His heart ached at the thought.

Yet he was terrified. No matter how much he wished for Kid to let him go, to walk away and never come back, the mere idea of losing Kid scared him senseless.

He knew what he was suggesting was shameful; he had finally resorted to such low blows, but there was no other choice...

"...Eustass-ya... Come to my place. People are staring..."

Law pulled away from Kid's hold, before taking him by the hand and leading him away. The umbrella lay forgotten by the road, unwanted.

'Let the rain wash everything away. Let us start over again.'

"...You can leave if you don't want this," Law spoke as they made their way along the darkening street. "You can't back away from this. You have to make your choice."

_'I'm ready, Eustass-ya. No matter what your decision is, I'm ready to accept it.'_

They had reached the entrance to Law's block of apartments. Turning around, Law looked into Kid's eyes before pressing his lips against the other man's in a hard kiss.

_'You've always been so kind to me, but I don't want that now.'_

When he sensed no resistance from the redhead, Law pulled away.

"...You know that after this, there's really no going back...?"

It was Law's final warning, spoken in a soft whisper.

Kid's grip on his hand did not slacken.

**XXXXXX**

Unlocking the door to his apartment, Law dragged the larger male past the entrance, through the living room and into his bedroom, before pushing him down onto the bed. Their shoes had been kicked off hastily along the way; strewn haphazardly from the bed leading to the front door, which Law hadn't even paused to lock.

Law reached up past Kid to switch on the nightlight at his headboard, before backing down to where the redhead sat dazed on the edge of his bed. With fumbling fingers, he hastily undid the button at the top of Kid's pants.

"...Trafalgar...!"

Ignoring the hint of resistance in Kid's voice, Law laid his palms along the other man's thighs, spreading his fingers and applying slight pressure as he eased the man's legs apart. Kneeling on the floor, Law backed down till he was facing Kid's crotch. Grasping the pant's zipper with his teeth, he pulled it down in one swift movement to expose the bulge of Kid's slowly hardening member. Law planted a soft kiss on the hot flesh through the fabric of Kid's boxers, before giving it a tentative lick.

Kid had fisted a hand in his dark hair, and the action earned Law a painful tug. Undeterred, Law snuck his hands up underneath Kid's shirt, stroking the hard muscles of Kid's stomach with his fingertips and tracing circular patterns at his navel as he continued to kiss and lick at Kid through the man's boxers.

He faintly heard Kid's sighs and groans from his ministrations, and the sounds made his entire body ache with wanting.

"...Eustass-ya..."

Law looked up at Kid's face. The lust was evident in the redhead's half-lidded eyes, fueling the fire that was burning through Law's body. Standing up, he pushed Kid back onto the mattress, then climbed up on top of him.

"Trafa-"

"Are you afraid...?" Law interjected, cutting off Kid's protest. Moving a hand to Kid's face, he gently caressed the man's cheek as he whispered again, "are you afraid...?"

_'I'm afraid too. Afraid of carrying on, of the unseen future. What if this doesn't work out? I'm so scared.'_

Kid lifted his hand and placed it over Law's own, stilling his movement.

"...But this is what you want, right?"

A lump rose in Law's throat. Yes, it was true, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge nor deny the fact. He remembered a story he had heard once; about a man who freed his pet bird from its cage. Normally, a bird, once granted freedom, would soar up into the skies, never to return. But upon seeing its owner fall into grief and anguish, the bird had forsaken its freedom and returned to the cage.

Law felt like the pathetic owner in the story. Kid had resigned himself to following through with Law's desperate request out of pity, just like how the bird had willingly returned to imprisonment for the sake of its owner.

A wave of hurt and anger welled up in Law's heart, spurring him into action. Straddling over Kid's hips, he pulled his wet shirt up over his head and tossed it to the floor. Kid hissed as Law ground his hips down hard against him, and Law took the chance to rip Kid's shirt off of his body, before discarding it on the floor to join his own.

With the larger man's chest exposed, Law laid his palm flat over Kid's heart, feeling its beat. This was something that he'd always yearned to do, and a surge of emotion overwhelmed him as the rhythmic thumping of the other man's heart stirred beneath his fingers.

Slowly, Law sunk his body down over Kid's, placing his ear against the redhead's chest. The heat of the other's body warmed his own frozen one as he felt their heartbeats align and beat as one.

"I've...always wanted to do this..."

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he turned to bury his face into Kid's chest. Ever since he realized his love for Kid more than four years ago, he had dreamed of this. Yet the reality of the current situation brought, not happiness, but sorrow to his heart.

"...I'm so scared. I've never had sex before, but since it's Eustass-ya..."

_'I can do this.'_

Before he knew it, he was being pulled upwards. Kid's teeth nicked his lip as the redhead pulled him into a rough kiss, forcing his tongue into Law's mouth.

"Mm...! Eusta-...!"

Law's protest was cut off as Kid placed a hand at the back of his head, preventing his escape as Kid's tongue continued to ravish his mouth, roving over his teeth and stroking along the roof of his mouth, before plunging in deeper to slide against his own tongue.

"Ah! Wait... please...! Mmn!"

His breath was stolen once again as Kid renewed the kiss. Law closed his eyes and shivered with fright, feeling the tears threaten to spill as Kid's free hand moved to touch his body. He felt Kid's touch slide from his shoulder down his arm, then back up the side of his torso, before moving to his chest and slowly kneading the flesh under his palm.

A nagging thought invaded Law's mind. Was Kid acting out of habit? This definitely felt like how a man would fondle a woman's breasts; how Kid would have touched her when they were together.

"...Eustass-ya..." Law whispered as he shook his head. No, Kid was his now; his alone. Kid had flipped them over, and was now bent over Law. The smaller male reached up and wrapped his arms around Kid's neck, drawing him down into another kiss.

But before their lips joined, he caught a glimpse of sadness in Kid's eyes before the redhead screwed his eyes shut.

_'Why... Why do you feel this way with me? Why do you pretend not to see me?'_

The simmering anger reared its ugly head again.

"...Why are you hesitating? If you're not gonna move on, then I will."

He sat up and pushed Kid backward, reaching into the man's boxers at the same time to draw out Kid's hardened member. Leaning downwards to support himself on his elbows, Law gave the tip a small lick. Kid groaned at the contact, which Law took as a sign that he was doing well. Holding the man's cock in his hands, he continued to lick at the head, lapping up the precum which had gathered at the tip.

"Trafalgar...! Stop it..."

Pretending not to hear, Law guided the head of Kid's member into his mouth. It was his first time giving a blowjob, and he was hesitant, unsure of what to do. Kid's flesh sat hot in his mouth, slightly bitter, so unlike what he'd imagined. But just knowing that it was Kid's eased his anxiety and allowed euphoria to take its place.

Drawing the cock out of his mouth, he located a vein pulsing on the underside, then used his tongue to trace it up from base to tip, before giving the head a gentle nip with his teeth. Kid flinched.

"...Haah!... Tra...falgar, stop it... Let go...!"

Law looked up into Kid's face. A blush tinged Kid's cheeks; he was visibly flustered. A sense of victory filled Law's heart. Yes, he was the one who made Kid feel this way. He wanted more.

Focusing his attention back onto Kid's member, he took a deep breath before forcing himself to take in as much of the erect cock as possible. When he felt the tip nudge the back of his throat, he moaned and hollowed his cheeks, sucking on the hot length that filled his mouth.

Kid's hips bucked wildly as his hands scrabbled for purchase on Law's shoulder, before settling between his shoulder blades, effectively holding Law in place as he thrust into the smaller man's mouth. Before Law knew it, Kid had climaxed, spilling hot seed down his throat. He forced himself to swallow the sticky liquid as Kid drew his limp member out past Law's lips. They lay together in silence, Law's head pillowed on Kid's thigh as they fought to calm their breathing.

"...Did it feel good?" Law asked after a moment, his voice raw.

"You're...such an idiot...!"

"I know... But I can't help it. I love you."

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Kid pulled Law into a deep kiss.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**darkimpulse**: We'll see if Law can really let go after this, though it'll be hard, seeing how invested he is...

**snoopypompom**: *hugs your heart* No, Law's gonna take this all the way.

**Childerika**: Thank you for loving the story~~~

**Muffin**: Kid's in a tough position, and nobody's making it any easier for the poor dude.

**Guest**: I like the girlfriend too. She's been very civil to Law all these years, when she could easily have ratted him out or destroyed their friendship. And yeah, Kid's not making the right decision, but neither of them are really in the right frame of mind to think rationally right now.

**ladyevilbunny**: The gamble's not over. We'll just hafta wait and see if they'll go through with it! And yes, Law's definitely too stubborn for his own good.

**Angelmon**: Your question has been answered! Hope you liked this chapter!

**Itavita**: Haha yep, cruel cliffhanger, as is this one... Gotta wait another chapter to see if your gut feeling is right!

**angelionfire**: Glad you do!

**loogoo**: Oh dear, I hope things have gone well for you, and that this story can cheer you up somehow! *hugs*

**Lucifer**: Yeah, it's all one crazy whirlwind. Smoker will come back sometime!

**yoo**: Law's definitely not thinking straight...


	13. Chapter 13

Aaaaaaaaand~~~~~

We're finally baaaaaaack! Prepare to cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

**Chapter warning:** NSFW. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

"I love you."

When they drew apart, Law took Kid's hands and placed them on his own body.

"Touch me again, here... And here... Hold me close..."

It was a dream come true, as Kid complied with Law's wishes and caressed him where he wanted it most. He was still frightened. It was his first time exposing his body to anyone like this; but the mere act of being touched so intimately by Kid made him shiver with both pleasure and fear. As if sensing this, Kid stilled his hands.

"...You're trembling..."

"...No."

"We can stop this if you're scared."

Law looked into Kid's eyes. The room was silent save for the sound of the ticking clock, the rain pattering against the windowpanes, and the thundering of his racing heart.

Kid had moved his hands to cover Law's, as if trying to protect him from something. Yes, it had always been like this. Kid would always be so attuned to him, acting with such chivalry, offering Law a way out. But it was different this time.

_'No. You expect me to back out, but it is you who wants this to stop.'_

Law knew that Kid would never voice it out loud. They had come this far, and Kid would continue to press on, confident that Law would soon break and bring things to a halt. All this was nothing more than a charade to force Law to come to his senses. It was a gamble that Kid had taken upon himself, resolute in his belief that the love Law claimed he held would fall through in the end.

The realization hit Law like a punch in the chest, his heart clenching in sorrow and pain. Here he was, prepared to give everything to Kid. And yet, the other man remained standing behind his barriers, holding on to pretense and playing along to appease Law; it was as if he were appeasing a foolish child.

_'Why... Why must it always end up like this...?'_

With a cry, Law shoved Kid's hands away.

"No! You're the one who's scared! Why can't you just fuck me?! Why... can't you just..."

The rage passed as quickly as it had come. Law's voice trailed to a whisper as he flung himself into Kid's arms once more. Yes, he had always been, and will always be, so weak. That was the solitary reason why he has always failed to attain anything he truly yearned for.

"I can't move on like this... Why can't you just... give me closure... so I can finally move on..."

He was sobbing into Kid's chest, the tears trailing down his cheeks and falling onto the bedsheets, soaking them in his misery.

"Why... do you have to be so kind...?"

Yes, Kid had always been so kind, ever since the day they met. It had led Law to futilely chase after the other man, hoping to reach him but only hurting himself in his struggles.

Yet he could never achieve the love he craved for. He couldn't even protect their friendship.

And now, they were both trying to escape, despite being bound hand and foot, unable to move away.

_'So please, be cruelly honest with me. Don't ask me to go back. Don't give me any more hope.'_

In the end, Law was once again reduced to a weakling, a crying child cradled in Kid's strong arms. He clung desperately on to the redhead like a drowning man to a lifeline.

"I don't care if someone else is on your mind... I just want you to touch me..."

_'Because, in the end, I'll never be the one you see.'_

Slowly, they sunk back onto the soft sheets of the bed, their legs entwined together as Law pressed himself down against Kid. Their lips met in a kiss once again, as Kid took one of Law's hands and guided it between the cheeks of the smaller man's ass. Slowly, Kid helped Law to press a finger inside himself.

"..Uuh...!"

A strange feeling of being invaded overwhelmed Law as he gasped. Then, one of Kid's fingers joined his own and proceeded to prod and massage at his inner walls.

"...Mmn, uuh, ah..."

Kid curved a finger inside him, pressing against something that made Law cry out in shock. The dark-haired man's knees shook as his exposed member trembled and dripped with precum. His whole body shook as he tried his best to support himself.

"Does this feel good?"

"Hyaa...! Eu... sta-...!"

Law's mouth hung open as he panted. Kid removed Law's finger out from his entrance, making room for himself to insert another digit to continue attacking Law's prostate.

"Aah...! W-wait... Eus... -ya... ah, ah..."

Kid's fingers continued to thrust relentlessly and painfully into him. Finally, unable to withstand the force of the onslaught, Law collapsed onto Kid's chest, choking out pained gasps. Kid flipped them around so that Law was now underneath him, his fingers never stopping the assault.

"N-no... no, ah! Aah...!"

Law felt himself losing control. Waves of pleasure he'd never experienced before crashed through his brain, leaving it numb as his body writhed beneath Kid's.

"What do you mean, no? Didn't you ask me to fuck you...?"

"No... not like this...! Uuh... uuh, ah...!"

Law brought his hands up to cover his face, hiding his tears as he shook his head desperately. This wasn't what he wanted. He had dreamed of Kid being so gentle and loving as he made love to Law. But now, he could only moan and gasp at Kid's ministrations, unable to form coherent words.

_'Please be gentle.'_

_'But don't be gentle.'_

Law no longer knew what he wanted.

_'Please treasure me.'_

_'Please see me.'_

Kid finally withdrew his fingers from Law's trembling body, and the smaller man felt a wave of fear wash over him as he braced himself for what was to come. He had always envisioned feelings of happiness and joy when imagining himself being embraced by Kid. Yet now, all he felt was abject terror as Kid pressed his member against Law's entrance.

"...I'm going in. It'll hurt, so be careful not to bite your tongue."

Removing his hands from his face, Law wrapped his arms around the larger man as he continued to cry silently, tears flowing relentlessly from his swollen eyes.

Yes, this was the kindness he wanted. Kid might hurt him, but he would do so sweetly and gently.

And that was why Law could never give up on the redhead. Though he knew Kid would never choose to hurt him, Law would willingly allow himself to be hurt if it meant he could taste Kid's kindness.

Kid slowly pressed inside, and Law's walls strained to accommodate the other man's member as white-hot pain streaked up his spine. Gasping, Law dug his nails into the skin at Kid's shoulder, only to have his hands roughly snatched away and pinned onto the mattress beside his head.

"...Idiot, don't scratch me..."

Law twisted his head to the side, to see the tips of his fingers stained a light red by Kid's blood. He opened his mouth to apologize when Kid cut him off;

"If you leave scars..."

The apology died in Law's throat. He didn't need Kid to finish his sentence to know what the redhead meant to say.

_'If I leave scars, she'll find out.'_

_'If I leave scars, you won't be able to be intimate with her until they heal and disappear.'_

"I'm sorry..." Kid apologized gruffly.

"I-its... ok... j-just move, already..."

Kid started to thrust slowly into Law, before picking up the pace as their bodies adjusted to one another.

"Haah... haah...! Uuh... ah, ah..."

Law's body trembled as he rocked beneath Kid. The redhead was sweating from his efforts; beads of perspiration dripped onto Law's body, scorching his skin. The smaller man reached up to comb his fingers through scarlet locks.

"Eu...stass-ys... Ah, aah...! Kid... Mmn, mn, ah... Kid..."

_'I love you.'_

Unable to speak these words, Law repeated them inside his head like a mantra as he watched Kid pound into him. The larger man had his eyes closed, occasionally letting out gruff moans that drove Law crazy. The dark-haired man reached up to pull Kid downwards, and they exchanged rough open-mouthed kisses. Frequently shifting to change the angle of his thrusts, Kid continued to slam into Law's straining body.

"Aaah, I c-can't... K-kid..."

Law could feel both their releases coming on, as Kid wrapped an arm around Law's waist to anchor him in place, further increasing the pace of his thrusts. His other hand snaked around Law's penis, gripping it tight and pumping furiously. The wanton sounds of their lovemaking filled the room, along with the distinct smell of sex, sweat, and semen.

"Ah...! I-I'm cumming...!"

Law gasped as climax hit him, his walls squeezing down and crushing Kid's cock inside him. He heard Kid moan hoarsely next to his ear, as the redhead pulled out of Law at the last moment.

From the moment Kid entered him, he had never once opened his eyes. Even now, he kept his eyes screwed shut as he rode out his release, emptying his load onto Law's stomach.

It was the worst ending.

In the end, Law was never the one whom Kid saw. He was not the one Kid had made love to.

She had been on his mind the whole time as he'd used Law's body.

_'I know I said that I don't care if someone else is on your mind, but...'_

Dragging his aching body up, Law drew back his fist and punched Kid in the face. The redhead finally opened his eyes to glare at Law as blood began to drip from his nose.

"...This is it. I... won't love you anymore..."

Weakly pushing himself away from the red-haired man, Law turned and buried his face into the pillow; the sheets clenched tightly in his fingers. He heard Kid get off the bed and dress himself, then footsteps as the other man left the room, and finally, the sound of the front door opening and closing with a slam.

With Kid gone, Law could no longer hold back his sobs. The overwhelming silence in the darkened room threatened to smother him as the cold passion of their sex slowly seeped away.

Law screwed his eyes shut, bringing his hands up to block over his ears. Kid's quiet moans, the strength of his arms as he held Law. None of it had belonged to him. Even as Kid fucked him, they had all belonged to her.

His body ached with the fading warmth and pain of his virgin experience as his mind reeled with the sorrow of his failed gamble.

The rain continued to patter against the windowpanes.

Law prayed for the darkness and rain to wash it all away.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**loogoo**: I knowwwww! This fic has lots of beautiful scenes~ I wish someone would draw them! *dreams*

**Itavita**: Nahh, the door's just a mention. And I guess Law is innocent in some ways, and now he's hurting from it...

**Shiina Yuki**: Sorry to make you wait for so long for updates! *bows* Here's the 2nd part! And you're right, this is definitely far from Law's dream. Just wanna hug the poor child...

**Puroppu**: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I loved the analogy too, wonder if it's a real analogy or just something the author thought of.

**PandoraBoxx**: Thanks for your review! Sorry you had to wait so long for this update, but hope you enjoyed it!

**Angelmon**: Here it is! *ta-da* Hope you liked it!

**Muffin**: Yeah, I feel that Kid sees this whole thing as a chore, like something he didn't wanna do but had to, just to appease Law. Which Law picked up on anyway, and it just adds to the pain...

**Lucifer**: I knowwwww, this whole situation is a mess from start to finish! Just want them to be happy too!

**Lady Portgas**: It's not a mistake! The story is back! *throws confetti* And lots of hugs for you, hope you're feeling much better these days~~ Take care!


	14. Chapter 14

Hello!

Enjoy the latest update! *kisses*

Beta-ed by beposbutt the babe.

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

He was dreaming.

It was a dream he'd seen many times. He was standing beside Kid, holding his hand, smiling at the other man. And Kid was smiling back at him. Matching engagement rings shone on their fingers.

They had graduated from college. Kid had taken over his father's company, and Law had taken up a job in the company as well, providing support to the man he loved.

They lived together in a spacious apartment, with the best view of the city from their window. Every night after work, he would return home to prepare dinner for the both of them. They would talk about everything, get into minor quarrels sometimes, but at the end of each day, Kid would hold him tight in an embrace.

Then, the dream would end.

**XXXXXX**

Law woke, forcing open eyes swollen from crying.

Gripping the sheets with thin fingers, he pulled himself into a sitting position. The action sent a bolt of pain shooting up his spine, and memories of what had happened a few hours before came rushing back.

Kid had touched him, kissed him, then fucked him. Yet the person in Kid's mind had not been him.

It had been an emotionless chore for the redhead; the one he saw in his mind's eye must have been her the entire time. Law's willing body was just a canvas on which Kid had lain an image of his female lover's form.

Nausea rose in Law's stomach and he tried to push the thought away, but the brutal reality of the situation refused to disappear.

"...Why...?"

_'Tell me why.'_

"...Why...?!"

_'Why didn't you push me away?'_

"Why did you fuck me...?"

If she had been the only one for him, why hadn't he rejected Law's advances? Why hadn't he stopped when he kept insisting it was wrong? Why didn't he leave when he so desperately wanted to?

Yes, it was because he was too kind.

Law wanted to vomit. His heart clenched in pain. He wanted to scream, but the only sounds escaping his lips were stuttering sobs.

_'Someone, anyone... please help me.'_

He was breaking apart from the inside.

He needed someone to embrace him, to hold his broken pieces together and tell him that things would be alright.

With shaking fingers, he picked up his phone, cast so carelessly onto the floor just hours before. He tried to access his contacts list, failed, and tried again. He was trembling violently; each breath was a painful gasp that ended in a choking sob.

After what felt like an eternity, he managed to find the number, and pressed dial. The call went through, but no one picked up. He tried again.

And again.

And again.

"...Law?"

Finally, a sleepy voice answered, the familiar sound sending fresh tears spilling down Law's cheeks.

"...S-Smo...ker..."

"Law? Oi, what's wrong?!"

"Smoker... I don't know... what to do...!"

"Where are you now? Are you at home?"

Law choked out another painful sob, unable to speak.

"I'm coming over right away. Just hang on, ok?"

Smoker ended the call. Law let the phone fall from his fingers.

_'Eustass-ya.'_

The man he truly wanted was not here. Law whimpered as he buried his face into his pillows, muffling his anguished sobs.

"...Kid..."

_'I didn't mean to really end it. You knew I was lying, didn't you? We've been together for so many years, you've always been so kind. But so cruel. I hate it. I hate you.'_

"...I love you..."

His battered mind was overrun with guilt and sorrow, but the voice in his heart spoke true.

He'd known all along that it was useless, yet he refused to acknowledge the fact that his feelings would never be returned. Even now, the only one he saw in his mind was the redhead.

_'I love you. I really do. So much.'_

(This is it.)

_'No. Tell me you knew I was lying.'_

(I won't love you anymore.)

_'No, I love you.'_

He imagined the sound of Kid's retreating footsteps and he wanted to scream. He pictured the door closing after the larger man, and he felt an uncontainable compulsion to run after the lingering shadows of the receding figure.

_'Please, come back.'_

"Eustass-ya..."

_'I still love you.'_

**XXXXXX**

After what seemed like a long time, he heard the doorbell ringing, then knocking, and a voice calling his name.

"...Smoker..."

Unable to move, Law could only call out for the older man in a small wavering voice, hoarse from crying.

He heard the door opening.

"Law!"

Hurried footsteps echoed through the living room.

"Oi! Law! Are you here...?!"

A shadowy figure appeared at his bedroom door, then the room flooded with light as the other man switched on the overhead lights.

"...What's... going on?"

He saw the scene reflected in Smoker's eyes; clothes scattered all over the room, a rumpled bed, and his naked figure sitting defeatedly amidst the sheets, eyes swollen from crying.

The larger man glanced back into the living room, no doubt piecing together the situation as he noted Law's shoes strewn carelessly on the floor.

His gaze landed on Law once again, and the smaller man saw understanding seep into his eyes.

"...Smoker..."

The older male stepped into the room and slowly approached Law's bed. Sitting on the edge, he reached out a hand, cold from the frozen night air, to caress Law's tear-stained cheek.

"What happened?"

"I... I let... Eustass-ya..."

Law cast his eyes downwards, unable to meet Smoker's gaze.

"...I told him... to make love to me..."

His teeth were chattering.

"...But... Eustass-ya didn't... see me..."

_'She was the one he saw.'_

Law could not voice this truth, as if speaking it out loud would confirm its reality.

"...W-why...?"

Gripping Smoker's shirt, Law buried his face into the other man's chest and sobbed. His eyes burned, and he felt exhausted to the point of collapsing, but the tears just kept coming.

"Am I not good enough...?!"

The whispered words ripped even deeper wounds into his heart. In his agony, he bit down hard on his lower lip, tasting blood on his tongue.

He felt a hand lift his chin, then a thumb gently wiping the blood from his lip, before he was pulled into a tight embrace.

"...You idiot."

A large hand patted him gently on the back, soothing him as if he was a young child. Law closed his eyes as he felt the calming rhythm of the man's touch.

"It's alright."

Smoker's warmth was comforting, his words a soothing balm over Law's broken soul.

"Law."

He sighed, relaxing against Smoker. He realized belatedly that he had a splitting headache, but he was too drained to even care. He faintly heard Smoker's voice through the pleasant haze fogging up his brain.

"Will you come to my place?"

"...Huh?"

He pulled away, looking up into the Smoker's face. The older man smiled as his fingers stroked through Law's hair.

"Come stay with me, at least until you've calmed down. I know it hurts to be alone, and I don't want to leave you here all by yourself when you're in this state."

"...B-but..."

"If I leave now, you'll just cry again, won't you?"

Law swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to deny it.

Yes, if he was left alone, he'd no doubt start thinking about Kid again; and who knew what he would do in his anguish.

Maybe it would be better to let someone else take care of him for now.

Law nodded slowly. Smoker ran his hand once more through Law's hair, before releasing him and standing up from the bed.

"Go take a shower. You must be hungry?"

"Yeah..."

Smoker gathered up Law's discarded clothes and handed them to him, before moving into the kitchen and rummaging through his fridge.

Moving to the edge of the bed, Law set his feet gingerly upon the floor and tried to stand, only to fall to the floor as vicious pain lanced through his weary body.

"Can you stand?"

Upon hearing the ungracious thud of Law falling, Smoker had rushed back into the bedroom. Gratefully taking Smoker's hand, Law stood back up. With a whispered "I'm ok", he hobbled his way into the bathroom.

As the hot water from the showerhead beat down on his body, Law felt his mind finally clearing.

"...I'm... so weak..."

He knew exactly how Smoker felt for him. He knew that he was just using the older male. But right now, he had no one else to turn to.

Even so...

Wasn't he giving the other man false hope? He had been so quick to blame Kid, but wasn't he doing the same thing to Smoker?

_'No. This can't go on. Nothing will change.'_

He couldn't have what he truly wanted with Kid, and was going to destroy what he had with Smoker.

Maybe it would be best to just give up. He had always been fighting a losing battle anyway.

Stepping out from the shower, Law grabbed a towel and dried himself off. His eyes happened to land on the mirror above the sink, and he froze.

He moved closer to the mirror, reaching out a trembling hand to his reflection.

"...When did he..."

Yes, it was not his mind playing tricks on him. There it was, a single love bite, burning an angry red below his collarbone.

Law felt his legs give way, and he fell heavily to the tiled floor. His body seemed to collapse in on itself.

"...I don't understand..."

_'Why won't you tell me how you really feel? Why did you leave your mark on my body? Was she on your mind, or...'_

He didn't know.

"...What's wrong with you...?"

_'What am I to you? Am I just a friend, or am I more than that?'_

The end of the path, so clear in his mind when he first stepped out of the shower, was once again shrouded in fog.

_'Why is this happening? Why am I going back again?'_

Law swallowed painfully, nails digging into the red mark.

"...How could you...?"

A single tear rolled down his cheek and fell silently onto the cold tiles.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Childerika**: Yaaayyyy, I'm glad the story's back too! Yeah, it must be painful for Law, especially if he's been dreaming about this for the longest time, and when it finally happens, it's like a nightmare. And yes, I think Kid does deserve that punch. (*｀へ´*)

**BlueBubbles426**: Let's hug Law together!

**Shiina Yuki**: Don't cry! *hugs you* Let's hope that Law will find happiness someday! (*≧m≦*)

**Itavita**: Yeah, they're both in a really messed up situation that's spiralled way out of control. Any thoughts or predictions you have about the story's ending?

**Satan-chan**: It's alright, this is an angst fic afterall. And yeah, Kid didn't really think his actions through this time... *shakes head*

**Muffin**: Because the author is cruel (´Д｀)

**Angelmon**: We'll see if this incident has affected Kid in any way soon!

**Puroppu**: Yep! Really glad this story is back too. Yeah, it's partially Law's fault for deciding to risk it all like that, especially when he knows that there's a good chance that it won't work out the way he expected it to... (T⌓T)

**Lady Portgas**: Thank you for taking the time to write such a long review, babe! *hugs* Yeahhh, that sexual encounter was definitely the last thing Law needed. And as of now, we still don't know what Kid is thinking, so your idea sounds plausible. And no worries, I love reading your opinions, and I'm sure the author will too! (●´□`) And sorry to hear about your situation, hope things get better for you, and take lots of care!

**loogoo**: I know! lol ('∀'●)

**Angeline Victoria Schmid**: Hey there, I love your username, so elegant! And your English is fine~ Yeah, this story is really a sobfest, and no amount of warning can reflect that, so sorry for making you cry so much! *hugs* I'm quite sure Kid didn't really think through his actions in the last chapter, and was just going along with the flow due to Law's insistence. As for the updates, the story is actually complete on the author's side, so this translation is a little slow. There are about 3-4 more chapters left. And thanks for the song, I'll definitely check it out! ( ω ) ~

**Lucifer**: I can't promise anything because I don't want to spoil the story, so you'll have to live with the suspense a little longer muahaha! (*°∀°) And thank you for always taking the time to write in a review!

**lonewolf**: We'll see what Law decides to do in the next chapter, so stay tuned!

**snoopypompom**: *gives flowers for your aching heart*

**Akahiko Yukishiki**: Don't cryyyyy! *showers you with tissues* Lol I won't reject your love! Thank you!


	15. Chapter 15

Hello!

Long time no update. ENJOYYYY!

Beta-ed by beposbutt the babe.

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

The warm smell of cooking hit his nose as Law trudged into the living room. Rubbing at his damp hair with a towel, he headed into the kitchen where Smoker was standing in front of the stove, and took a peek into the frying pan.

"Nuts?"

"Roasted cashew nuts."

"Looks delicious."

"Take a seat."

As if obeying a command, Law let his feet carry him to the sofa. There was already a steaming bowl of corn soup placed on the coffee table, and Law's stomach rumbled at the sweet aroma.

Glancing up at the clock, he was a little surprised to see that it was 1 a.m.

_'He rushed here in the middle of the night, just for me?'_

"...Smoker," Law whispered apprehensively as the man approached with a plate bearing fragrant roasted cashews.

"Don't say anything. And please don't feel bad."

"...Can't I at least thank you?"

"No need for that."

_'Why are you also being so kind to me?'_

Every single person around him had been nothing but kind and gracious. As much as it warmed his heart, in this moment Law felt nothing but pain and sorrow.

Smoker settled down next to him on the sofa as Law picked up a spoon and helped himself to the corn soup. The sweetness and heat of the broth spread through his stomach to the rest of his body.

Whilst taking small, careful sips of the soup, Law stuffed himself with the roasted cashews. As he nourished his tired body, Smoker left his side and headed into the kitchen. Law heard the other man rummaging through his fridge, before returning with two cans of beer.

Silently, the two finished the light meal, and it was 3 a.m. before Law went to bed once again.

Yet, as he stood by the bedroom door, he couldn't bring himself to let Smoker sleep in his bed; the bed that he and Kid had dirtied just a few hours prior.

As if sensing Law's obvious discomfort, Smoker settled down onto the carpeted floor of the living room, closing his eyes before Law could speak a single word.

After some deliberation, Law turned his back on the bed, sinking down onto the sofa instead.

_'What was I thinking?'_

He had seduced his best friend, asked the man to fuck him, then chased him away. And now he was imposing on another man, fully aware of the feelings the other held for him.

Throughout the entire night, he had acted like a pathetic fool, eliciting pity to further his own agenda.

_'Just what am I trying to achieve...?'_

Law did not know anymore.

**XXXXXX**

When his mobile phone's alarm woke him, Smoker was no longer in his apartment.

Slowly getting up, Law went about preparing for the day, then headed to school as per normal. Throughout the day, he attended lectures, had lunch alone in the cafeteria, then attended more lectures. In all aspects it was truly like any other mundane day.

All except for one small detail; Kid was no longer on his mind.

It was strange. He knew he still held feelings for the redhead, yet his mind just couldn't conjure a single image of the other man.

He had even stopped looking out for the larger male on campus, hoping to spot a glimpse of red hair.

He was no longer angry at Kid, nor was he satisfied with last night's events, but it seemed as if his mind and body were finally ready to forget the redhead.

He could already sense some part of himself unable to recall the man who'd caused him so much sorrow and pain. It made him wonder, because no matter how hard he'd tried to say goodbye in the past, he could never truly let go of Kid. Yet now, he felt calm and somehow satiated, even numb, as he went through the day.

Heading down a corridor to his next class, Law suddenly remembered what had occurred at this very spot just the previous week.

This was where Kid had ignored his existence; where he had taken off the ring and hurled it back at the other male.

That cheap, dull, plastic ring.

_'Had he thrown it away...?'_

The sudden thought made him start, and Law's face flushed with guilt and shame as he caught himself wishing for the ring to still be on his finger, wishing for Kid to put it on him once again.

_'...Curse this stupid lingering affection...'_

A cool breeze blew through the corridor, ruffling his hair.

Their graduation was a mere two weeks away.

_'It'll be for the best. It'll be a final, true goodbye.'_

With his lips set in a thin, determined line, Law headed off to his class.

**XXXXXX**

When he reached home, Law spared no time and quickly changed into some street clothes. Then, he retrieved a small duffel bag and began stuffing it full with the clothes and essentials he'd need for the next few days he'd be spending at Smoker's place.

He knew he should have rejected the white-haired man's offer. He was not some emotional teenager or frail distraught woman who needed comfort and constant supervision.

But he knew that he'd be left helpless, unsure of how to proceed, if he was alone. Even worse, he might do something he'd come to regret later on.

Lowering his eyes to the floor, Law let out a heavy sigh.

Just then, he heard the newscaster on TV announcing the weather forecast. It seemed like it would be snowing again tonight.

"That's right, the muffler... I should return it to Smoker..."

Just as Law was folding up the muffler and placing it into his duffel, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the tiny apartment. Glancing up at the clock, Law was puzzled to see that it was only a little past 5 p.m. Smoker had said that he would drop by at 6 to pick Law up.

Frowning, Law headed towards the front door. The doorbell rang out again, and Law hurried to unlock and open the door.

"...!"

Law's eyes widened as he caught sight of the person standing outside, and his hand moved to quickly shut the door. But he was too late. The man outside barged his way in, grabbing Law by his wrists and pushing him back into the apartment.

"...Let me go...! Eustass-ya...!"

_'What do you want from me?'_

Struggling desperately against Kid, Law was horrified to find his eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry!" Kid's voice cut through the panicked haze clouding his mind. "Let's go inside, Trafalgar. I need to talk to you!"

"...N-no...! Let me go...!"

_'There's nothing more to say. I just want to forget you. Why are you doing this? Please don't do this.'_

"Trafalgar."

Law's entire frame jerked at the sound of his name, and tears spilled from his eyes as he heard the evident pain in the redhead's voice. He felt the larger man pull him into a tight embrace.

"Trafalgar... I di-"

"Law?"

Law lifted his eyes at the sound of the voice overlapping Kid's, and saw Smoker standing a few paces behind the redhead.

"Smoker...!"

Kid's hold on him loosened. "Smoker?" he asked incredulously as he turned around, eyes widening at the sight of the older male.

"...Eustass?" Smoker seemed equally shocked by Kid's presence, but his eyes quickly turned steely as he processed the situation. "What do you think you're doing?"

The warning in Smoker's gruff voice brought goosebumps to Law's skin, and he found himself trembling in Kid's arms. He knew he had to say something, but his voice just wouldn't work.

_'But what is there to say?'_

"Law."

In a few brisk steps, Smoker had closed the distance between them. Law felt the white-haired man grasp his arm in a tight grip, pulling him away from Kid.

"Eustass, what more do you want from Law?"

"Why... are you here...?"

"I'm here to meet Law. How much longer are you planning to torment him? How-"

Smoker's words were cut off as Law grasped the collar of his coat and pulled him down into a desperate kiss. He didn't want to hear such words, not from Smoker, not from anyone.

He didn't deserve Smoker's kindness, didn't deserve the older male standing up against Kid for his sake. It had all been his own fault. Kid hadn't done anything wrong, Law had always been the one demanding things the redhead couldn't give.

"...I told you, it's over... I won't... love you anymore. We no longer have anything to say to each other... Please leave... Please..."

Unable to continue, Law buried his face in Smoker's coat as his voice gave way to sobs.

_'That's not it. No. I didn't mean any of that. Please understand.'_

_'I love you. I still love you. I'm so glad you came, so glad you embraced me.'_

_'But if I say that, we'll just go back again. I don't want to let you go, but I have no choice. I just can't speak honestly to you anymore.'_

"...I'm sorry, Trafalgar..."

Kid's voice was soft, almost breaking, his expression full of pain and regret. Law watched the redhead turn and trudge away, and a sudden wave of overwhelming terror flooded his heart.

"...Eustass-ya!"

But before he could even move, Smoker had gripped him by the arms, holding him in place.

"Do you want to be hurt again?"

"..."

"If you're going to hurt yourself again, you'll never get out of this."

_'I know. I know, but...'_

_'I still want to love him...'_

The mark Kid had left on Law's collarbone stung as he pressed his palm against it.

_'Eustass-ya...'_

Unable to form coherent words through his wracking sobs, Law could only call out for Kid in his mind.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Childerika**: Yeahh, this story is just sad all the way. =( I was telling my beta beposbutt about how Law cries in every single chapter... But this chapter does have some SmokerxLaw, hope you enjoyed it!

**Muffin**: Kid really misses out on alot of opportunities, doesn't he? This chapter included... *sigh*

**RPClover2.0**: Thank you dearie! It means alot to know that people enjoy what I do! ^_^ We'll have to wait and see who Kid chooses in the end!

**loogoo**: Thank you, I try my best! ;)

**Shiina Yuki**: I think we can all tell that Kid is more than a little conflicted himself, and I can't say I blame him for feeling that way. He's had quite alot thrown at him in a short amount of time, which really required him to question the people closest to him. So he is definitely under some duress as well. We will see what happens between them as well as Smoker soon!

**Alice R**: Law is definitely a really lost child. It must be painful knowing that you can't get the love you want, while having to deal with affections from someone else at the same time... And yeah, Kid is one confused kid lol. So who do you think Law will choose in the end?

**EUSTASSKID**: I'm really happy to hear that you enjoyed the story. Hope you liked the update with some SmokerxLaw here~~

**Haya**: Don't cry! *hugs* Yes, we all want our dear Law to be happy T_T

**Shin Ryecchan**: Honey! Sorry for the late update, I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Yeahh, it's the fiction which brings us the most pain sometimes. And Law's heart just keeps bleeding... *sob*

**Yoo**: Yeah, this fic really gives me lots of feels as well, though the predominant one is obviously hurt. T_T

**Satan-chan**: I'll try and give it a listen! Thanks for the recommendation~

**Elbaf**: Don't hate poor Kid, he's having a tough time too, though some of his resulting actions are admittedly not very well thought-through aka stupid. And it doesn't help when Law is as confused as he is. *sigh* These two idiots are just fumbling their way through things and hurting each other in the process...


	16. Chapter 16

Konnichiwa!

First, I have to apologize for disappearing for so long. Life has been crazy these past few months and there simply wasn't any time to be found to work on translations... *sobs*

This chapter is actually the last official chapter of the story, with an epilogue after this. Do enjoy (and grab some tissues, as usual).

Beta-ed by the beautiful beposbutt.

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

_These past four years had not been all pain and regret._

_Ah, if only back then I could have known that everything would end this way._

_But as humans, we can never know for certain what the future holds, nor bend reality to our hopes and wishes. _

_Even if I had predicted that things would lead to this, even if I had molded my actions to move us away from this..._

_My road to happiness would probably have been just as long, just as far out of reach._

_Because our lives are full of countless crossroads, and the future depends on which ones we choose to pursue. Some people will choose the wrong path and fail, whilst others will choose the right one and succeed. Still, others will decide to forge their own road into an unknown outcome._

_And then there would be those like me, who destroy every single path available to them, trapped in the end by their own doing._

_I had happiness; small it might have been, but I had it within reach and that should have been enough._

_But I had wanted more. I messed up the lives of everyone involved in pursuit of my own desire, and in the end, I am left with nothing._

_And though I still love him, I can't hold on anymore. I just can't..._

**XXXXXX**

Girls dressed in bright gowns of all colors smiled tearfully into each other's cameras as they embraced and congratulated one another.

Law gazed upon the scene from a corner of the hotel function room, mind blank.

_'XX University Graduation Ceremony'_, read the huge banner on the stage at the front of the room.

Before Law knew it, this day had arrived.

Dressed in a suit he'd never had much reason to wear, Law heaved a heavy sigh as he loosened the uncomfortable tie around his neck ever so slightly with his long fingers.

It had been half a month since that incident...

**XXXXXX**

In the end, Law had spent a mere three days over at Smoker's place. Despite the man's obvious concern for him, Law had chosen to return to his own apartment, saying that he wished to be alone.

Finally having the time to think things through, Law had still not managed to come up with any satisfactory answer. And the more he stressed over the issue, the more frustrated he became.

The home he returned to after three days was quiet and so cold, all traces of warmth had long since dissipated.

The bed where he had slept with Kid, the table and sofa where he had sat with Smoker; every trace was gone.

It was as if it had all been just a dream.

Having dumped his bag on the floor, Law switched on the lights and let his body sink into bed. Turning his face into the pillows, he took a deep breath. Finally, he detected a faint scent that belonged to Kid.

"...Eustass-ya..."

His fingers curled around the sheets, trembling.

The fear that had gripped him that night was gone, yet the expected joy hadn't taken its place.

The only emotion that assaulted him was pure regret.

_'I was in his arms, yet I was not the one he made love to._

_The person Kid saw, the one who he made love to in his mind, was not me._

_I was the only one caught, unable to escape.'_

Struck by his own weakness, a sudden wave of rage overtook Law, as his hand curled into a fist and landed a violent punch on the pillow that still retained a hint of Kid's fragrance.

"...Fuck...!"

Why was he unable to just forget?

Over four years; that was how long he'd harbored feelings for the redhead.

These complicated, impure feelings stained with ugly desire.

He loved the other man more than he could describe, yet it had brought him so much pain.

It should have been simple. If he had the courage to destroy this relationship, it would have been so easy.

He just had to stop seeing Kid, cease all contact with the man. Then he wouldn't be caught like this, wishing for them to go back to how they were.

But was that what he really wanted?

With "her" existence, he would have had no chance anyway.

Why was it so hard, when all he had wished for was for Kid to be closer to him?

_[Sorry.]_

That was the last word Kid had said to him that day.

He had not heard from the other man since then. Kid had not approached him in school, no longer waited for him at the school gates, or sent him any texts.

Similarly, Law had stopped searching for the redhead.

It was as if destiny had sensed their intentions, for they had not even once bumped into each other since that day.

It seemed as if their relationship had been severed, without any form of closure.

As if it had all ended.

And Law, with uncertain footsteps, was hesitantly walking forwards. Wordlessly, carried on by the passing of time, he was finally moving on.

_'This is for the best. Let me just move on like this.'_

XXXXXX

[Congrats on your graduation.]

A curt, emotionless message.

Law narrowed his eyes at Smoker's text displayed on the screen of his mobile phone.

[Thanks.]

It was a simple reply, but Law knew it would be enough for Smoker. Though he couldn't phrase it elaborately, this single word meant to express all his gratitude for the older man. Law returned the phone to his pocket.

Smoker, the man who had supported him, stayed by his side through the toughest of times. The one whom he had always replied upon.

_'Thank you. I'm alright now. I can walk on on my own.'_

For some reason, Law felt that he could trust Smoker to understand that.

This would spell an end to his relationship with Smoker as well. He knew the other man wouldn't try to contact him anymore, and they'll start off down their respective separate paths.

Today was his graduation day, and Law was going to graduate from it all.

XXXXXX

Soon, the ceremony drew to a close, and the crowd started to crowd towards the exits. Going along with the flow, Law left the function room and headed down the corridor.

The red carpet muffled his footsteps, with each step his feet to sunk into the soft plush. Vases and paintings were placed strategically along the hall to catch the eye, lending a chic, Western atmosphere to the space. Along one wall, glass windows stretched from floor to ceiling, offering a view of sparse clouds through the thin white lace curtains.

The landing at the end of the corridor where the two elevators were located was filled with fellow students. Law back at a distance, leaning against the wall as he waited for the crowd to dissipate.

Digging out his smart phone from his pocket, Law fiddled with the device. Having made few, if any, friends through his years in university, Smoker's had been the only congratulatory message he'd received that day. Without anyone to communicate with, Law stared blankly at the home screen of his phone as he waited.

This was really the end. Of everything.

Law took a deep breath as he slowly closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he pushed himself off the wall and made his way over to the now deserted elevator landing.

But everything changed in the very next instant.

"Trafalgar."

Law heard footsteps behind him, and realized he was trembling slightly as he reached out to press the 'Down' button.

As the elevator made its painstakingly slow way back up from the ground floor, the sound of footsteps grew louder, and Law felt his composure slipping as he repeatedly jabbed at the button with more greater force than was needed.

No, he wouldn't go back... He just couldn't.

This was supposed to be the end. He had made sure to end it all on that day.

Yes, he hadn't done so with words, but he thought his actions had spoken out loud and clear.

So it was impossible to turn back now.

He felt the other man grab his arm.

"...Trafalgar, are you crying?"

The voice which he'd not heard for over half a month sounded so nostalgic, yet uncharacteristically weak.

Before he knew it, his vision had blurred, and his shoulders drooped as he felt his entire frame tremble.

Why were the tears coming?

He wasn't sad, nor was he lonely.

His voice, his touch, why did it all still feel so precious?

No, he couldn't face the man. It would all repeat again if he did.

He would end up hurting himself, hurting Kid, once again.

No. No...yet he couldn't bring himself to pull away from the redhead.

_'If you're going to hurt yourself again, you'll never get out of this.'_

Smoker's words echoed in Law's mind. Yes, he had learned the truth of that through painful experience.

If he didn't end it, he wouldn't be able to move on.

Law bit down on his lip, steeling his nerves before turning around to face the other male.

Leather shoes, a worn suit he remembered the redhead wearing during their entrance ceremony years ago, a slightly crooked necktie.

...Then that beloved familiar red hair and scarlet eyes, so bright Law could see himself reflected in them.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. His throat suddenly felt parched, and the words wouldn't come. He became acutely aware of how close Kid was, and his heart thundered frantically in his chest.

He watched as the larger man averted his eyes, then adjusted his tie, as if annoyed by its constriction.

"...I know it may be too late for this, but..."

Slowly, Kid raised his hands up, pulling a thin chain out from beneath his shirt and unfastening it from around his neck.

Law wanted to speak, to tell Kid that it was indeed too late for everything, but the sight of the object hanging from the chain made the words shrivel up within him. His brow furrowed as he screwed his eyes shut, willing the image away, but it was no use. His expression crumpled, and the tears finally flowed.

Why? Why was he doing this now?

They could no longer return to being friends, not even acquaintances.

Yet that dull toy ring was right there, hanging on that thin gold chain. The ring that Law had hurled at Kid that day.

"...Why?"

Why did he still have that ring? Why hadn't he thrown it away?

"If you don't want it, then you throw it away... It was my gift to you, so if you no longer want it, then I want you to be the one to throw it away."

In the end, he had to be the one to end it all.

Why did Kid have to push him like this...?

Law raised his hand, gingerly taking the ring and chain from Kid.

But he wouldn't accept it. If he did, things would surely go back to how it was. Kid would leave without a word, and this fruitless relationship would continue to drag them both down.

So...

_'Eustass-ya, let's end this. Let's finish it off the right way._

_Even now, I still can't forget you. But you will choose the path of happiness and walk on with her._

_That will be my happiness as well.'_

Raising his eyes to meet Kid's, Law took a deep breath, then spoke,

"Eustass-ya... It's been six years since we first met. We've argued countless times, laughed, cried, and you've taught me so much about the world... I could smile, because you helped me to smile... Because you were there for me."

When they'd first met in high school, they had both been troublemakers, and Kid had naturally gravitated towards him.

Throughout that first year together, they exchanged few words, yet Kid had been there beside him, wordlessly teaching him to smile, to feel.

Being beside Kid had granted him a sense of belonging he'd never experienced before.

Slowly, Law had allowed the redhead to get closer to him, to become an essential part of his life.

Even when Kid started his relationship with his girlfriend, that hadn't changed.

Kid had always been there for him.

"But...I've destroyed it through my own actions... This friendship that we shared, the road forward together... I can no longer be by your side... I can't..."

"Trafalgar... No...! I've actually-"

Kid's hands had moved to grip his shoulders, and the touch felt scalding hot, making Law's head hurt.

He knew what Kid would say, but he didn't want to go back anymore.

This had to end.

He wouldn't rely on Kid like a helpless child, wouldn't speak any more selfish words. He would handle it all on his own from now on.

"I know I have no right to say this... But if you treasure something, don't let it go... I'm still unable to wish happiness for you and her right now, but..."

Law tightened his fingers around the ring.

Yes, he was glad that Kid had kept it all this while. That would be enough for him.

Taking one of Kid's hands, Law pressed the ring into the redhead's palm.

He would say goodbye to this ring once and for all, and this was the right way to do it.

Returning it to the giver. Not throwing it away, but placing it back in the other man's hands.

With this, there would be no regrets.

Taking a deep breath, Law looked up into Kid's face and smiled.

"You've really been the best friend."

Kid had said these same words to him that day, and now, he would finally return the sentiment.

This sentiment which he couldn't bring himself to speak of that night, when Kid had first shared his plans to get married.

_'I'm proud to have shared this friendship with you. I'll smile, so please...'_

"Please be happy, Eustass-ya."

With a light tug on Kid's arm, Law drew the other man close and pressed their lips together.

He wouldn't be able to forget Kid; he'd been the greatest love of Law's life, after all.

Even now, the flame in his heart was still smoldering faintly, and Law knew that he would keep it precious and alive for the rest of his days.

Slowly pulling away, Law reached out and pressed the elevator button. This time, the door opened almost immediately, and Law entered, feeling the elevator car dip slightly under his weight.

He turned around to face the redhead, who was staring down at the ring in his palm. As the elevator door closed, Law called out to the other man for the final time.

"Eustass-ya!"

_'I've had so much fun._

_These memories will never fade, nor will my feelings for you._

_The time spent with you by my side will always be my most precious treasure._

_There's still so much I want to tell you._

_So much that has been built in this relationship through countless hours and days spent together, that can surely never be quantified._

_A relationship that is more than friends, yet not lovers._

_An imperfect, yet perfect relationship._

_We've come all this way together, and now, we'll continue on, even if it's down our own separate paths._

_Even so, I was truly happy.'_

"...I love you. Know that I always will..."

Kid's head shot up and he made to dash towards Law, but the elevator door drew closed.

Law didn't know if Kid heard his final words, but he'd smiled. He'd smiled and told Kid that he loved him.

It didn't matter if the tears flowed now.

_'Goodbye.'_

The word welled up in Law's heart before disappearing as he made a final wish.

_'Please be happy.'_

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Childerika**: Hello! No, this poor baby is going to cry all the way. T_T Let's give him lots of hugs.

**Riinachaan**: They just keep missing every single chance to mend things and really talk about their feelings, huh? Especially that last incident with Smoker. The poor man means well and wants the best for Law, but I guess Law just wasn't ready to even help himself. =(

**Eustass-ya**: Hey babe! It doesn't seem like these babies are gonna get anywhere close to happy in this fic. T_T

**ChasingDreamsLikeAnIdiot**: I know, I feel that Smoker has it really bad in this story too, and Law fumbling around in his pain just makes it all worse for everyone involved...

**Knet**: This fic doesn't let us see into Kid's mind, which makes it that much harder to guess what he's really thinking and feeling. We can only guess what his intention was, as we'll never know since Smoker interrupted at that most crucial moment.

**nighttempes**: I think Kid just wants everyone to be happy, not realizing that that is the hardest thing to achieve when it comes to love.

**Satan-chan**: They're just a pair of stubborn babes, aren't they? *hugs them*

**LunaPieces**: Thank you babe for your long review! *revives you* Yeahhhh, nobody knows why Kid returned and what he intended to say to Law, which makes it that much more frustrating for the reader. And yeah, I'm sure Kid is now thoroughly confused no thanks to the fact that he's now had sex with his best friend despite knowing the man harbors such strong feelings for him...

**LittleScarlet**: I wanna know too! Thank you for reading and reviewing~ *kisses*

**Aoi**: Thank you! I'm really glad that you love this story! T_T *hugs you*

**Kpuffs**: Yes, a dose of cute cat videos is recommended after reading this fic.

**Muffin**: Law's just hurt and confused and scared and they're all hurt and confused and scared and ARGH. *hugs you*

**loogoo**: True that. But Law's life is indeed messier than most.

**PandoraBox**: Thank you dearie. Let's feel the feels together. *huddles with you*

**AshleyG**: SORRRYYYYYY for taking so long to update! Hope you liked this chapter! m(_ _)m

**Shiina Yuki**: I think Law has never felt that he had a chance, ever since Kid got attached all those years back. Yet at the same time, Kid was so kind to him, which made him feel that he hadn't lost yet, so he continued to yearn and hope, slowly forcing himself into a corner until he just couldn't take it anymore...

**Admiral Emily**: Hello! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Yeahh, Kid's girlfriend is definitely a convenient scapegoat in this story, though I feel that she's not actually done anything wrong. The only issue is that she's standing in the way of our beloved OTP getting together lol.

**Labyrinth-chan**: Yeah, I think the main problem with Law here is that he couldn't bring himself to give up. He always felt that he still had a chance, and it didn't help that Kid was always so kind and gentle with him, since it just contributed to the misunderstanding and delusion that Law is entangled in. I'm sorry to hear about your experience, it must have been heartbreaking. *hugs you tight*


	17. Epilogue

Hello!

Merry Christmas, and here comes the epilogue! Enjoy!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

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_To everyone else, it was just one of countless love stories repeating itself all the time, around the globe. Just a tiny, insignificant story._

_But to me, it was an important, major story, so much so that it makes up an essential part of who I am._

_Mature adults would look upon it as a mere crush, the puppy love of youth._

_So unexceptional. So stupid._

_But I'd struggled through it, despite failing again and again._

_All for the faint hope that I'd surely grasp happiness someday._

_Stumbling, standing, dashing, slowly, finally capturing a tiny scrap of happiness. Just by that, humans are filled with joy, crying happy tears and feeling extremely good about themselves._

_Then comes the time to walk on again._

_And the cycle repeats itself._

_That is life._

**XXXXXX**

It was several months later that Law learned that Kid had broken up with his girlfriend.

He had met up with some old friends over a few drinks, and one of them had spilled the news in a drunken tirade. He had doubted the story at first, until the others in the group confirmed that they had heard the same rumors, and it became painful reality.

"Can it be?"

Law whispered, absently watching the cubes of ice melt within the scarlet cocktail in his hand.

He had finally accepted the reality of his impossible feelings, but now it was here again, the terrifying truth stirring up a storm in his chest.

_'Why? How can it be? What happened to their engagement, and his promise to me? How could he treat my wish for him to be happy so lightly? Did he even realize how much I'd sacrificed for him? How I'd thrown away our relationship? I'd been so ready to throw it all away, to throw him away, to leave those feelings behind and wish the best for him...'_

"Oi, Law, you alright? Had too much to drink? You look really pale."

Law glanced up to see his friend gazing at him, brow furrowed with worry.

Shaking his head, Law downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. He didn't need to see his reflection in the cocktail glass to know that his eyes were brimming with tears.

Several hours later, Law sat alone in his apartment. The room was dark -he'd not bothered to switch on any lights- and silent, save for the light ticking of the clock.

_'Calm down.'_

He'd been repeating the words to himself like a mantra, but his heart continued to thunder in his chest. Desperate, he cradled his head in his hands.

He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, yet he couldn't find another reason as to why Kid would break up with his girlfriend. Maybe they had a fight, or discovered they held different priorities in life; there were plenty of reasons why couples separated. But somewhere in his heart, Law knew that the break-up had something to do with him.

"...But why...? I'm already out of the picture..."

Whenever he closed his eyes, Kid would be there beside him. Try as he might to forget the other man, Law found that he could never do so. He still loved him. Yes, even now, the flame in Law's heart continued to burn bright as ever for Kid.

Law gasped at the painful emotions roiling within him, dragging his nails across his chest in a fruitless attempt to stem the hurt as the tears streamed down his face and dripped onto the floor.

"Don't...get your hopes up... I-It's not what you think it is... He's never going to..."

Yes, even if it was true that the break-up was caused by him, he should not get his hopes up. For one, Kid had not contacted him. If the other man had feelings for him, he would have tried to reach out to Law.

But it didn't matter in the end. He couldn't let this control him again, stopping him from moving on.

_'It shouldn't have turned out like this. It should have ended. I ended it all that day.'_

Law hid his face in his hands, but the tears continued to fall through the gaps between his fingers.

**XXXXXX**

It was a few months later when Law was invited out for drinks by a few college mates.

Law had been hesitant to go. He wasn't really familiar with the group, so it had been a shock when they'd invited him to come. In fact, the only reason why he knew them in the first place was because they were Kid's friends.

Which meant that Kid would be there as well. The mere thought of it frightened Law.

However, he needed to know the truth. Why had the other man discarded his relationship? Did he really mean to break up with her? Was there anyone on his mind when he made the decision, and if so, who was it?

Plagued by these questions, Law made his way to the gathering.

It was autumn, and the night was chilly. Boarding a train, Law got off three stops later. Taking a deep breath, he started walking.

He could feel himself trembling slightly, both from fear and a little bit of joy. Just a little more, and he would see Kid again.

Avoiding the crowd, Law made his way to where the group had gathered outside the pub. Soon, one of the group spotted him and waved him over.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Don't worry, we're still waiting for someone. It's been a long time since you've joined us, Trafalgar!"

"Yes, long time no see. So I'm not the last one?"

"Yeah, Eustass isn't here yet, though he texted to say that he'd be here any minute."

Anxiety lanced through Law's chest. It had been nearly half a year. After six months without Kid, he was finally going to see him again.

He could feel the tears threatening to fall, but he forced himself to hold them back. He must not cry. He should smile, yes, just like that time when he said goodbye.

Forcing a smile onto his face, Law waited for Kid to arrive.

A few minutes later, one of the group gave a cry, and everyone turned to wave at someone approaching from behind Law.

"Eustass! You're so late!"

"Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot, so I had to leave my car all the way at the train station."

"You bought a car? Anyway, let's all go inside."

With that, the group filed into the pub, leaving Law rooted to the spot.

He couldn't turn around. The ache in his chest had intensified upon hearing Kid's voice, and he could feel his legs trembling. Kid was behind him, and he felt his back burning from the other's gaze.

"Trafalgar."

Kid's voice was soft amidst the clamor of the crowded street, but Law heard him loud and clear.

_'Don't cry. You need to smile. Turn around and greet him.'_

Law unclenched his fists and slowly turned to face Kid.

A bright scarlet filled his vision.

"...Long time no see."

"Yeah..."

Their gazes met for a moment, and Law's heart thudded painfully.

The silence between them stretched, both men looking away. Law chewed on his lower lip.

"...Hey, Trafalgar..."

Law flinched, then lifted his head to see Kid gazing at him, a sorrowful tint to his eyes, and knew he must look the same.

There was just so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak,

"Come on, you guys!"

A shout from one of their friends broke the trance, and the two hurried into the pub, the moment lost.

Throughout the night, they sat apart from each other, not speaking a word as they kept up conversations with separate members of the group.

By the time the last order came around, Law was already slightly drunk. Leaning against the table, he buried his head in his crossed arms. The cool tabletop felt good against his heated skin as he turned his head to the side, stealing a glance at Kid, who was still laughing and drinking with a couple of other guys.

_'Ah, I still love him.'_

It was the truth. A warmth bloomed and spread through Law's chest as he buried his face in his arms again, ignoring the dampness on his cheeks.

**XXXXXX**

After bidding goodbye, the group scattered as everyone headed for home. Law did his best not to stagger as he focused on following a few of the other guys whom he knew would be taking the train home as well. That way, he wouldn't be left alone with Kid.

Yes, they would go their separate ways. He would face his problems alone, shed tears without the other knowing. In the end, he had not learned the truth, but he had resigned himself to the fact that he still loved Kid, and would continue to harbor these feelings for him.

He knew Kid would want to speak to him, but Law was afraid to hear what he had to say. What would he ask, and what would they do after that? He didn't want to end things again, only to return yet again and again, repeatedly dragging them through the same pain.

They had reached the train station, and the group filed through the ticket gates, Kid silently watching them go. Law was the last one, fumbling with his transport pass as he struggled to keep up. But before he could step through the gates, a strong hand gripped his wrist, pulling him back.

"...!"

Before he knew it, Kid was dragging him away.

"We need to talk."

"Wait...! Eustass-ya..."

Focusing on not tripping over his own feet, Law could only be dragged along. He saw the surprised looks on their friends' faces as they watched them leave, but his gaze soon returned to the broad back of the man leading him away.

His feelings for Kid welled up in his chest again, choking his heart.

Finally, they arrived at the lot where Kid had parked his car.

"I'll get a drink for you. Wait for me here."

With that, Kid unlocked his car and guided Law into the passenger seat, before turning away and heading for a vending machine nearby.

The streetlight lit up the car's interior dimly, and Law forced himself to relax as he leaned back into the seat. His nose caught a hint of fragrance, Kid's cologne, that filled the car. Law's body heated up as nostalgia raged within him.

The driver's door opened, and Kid entered the car.

The man was right beside him, their shoulders almost close enough to touch.

"...Have some coffee?"

It was the same canned coffee he'd always had. The one he'd had on the day he learned Kid had a girlfriend, as well as the day he decided to propose. It seemed like Kid still remembered his preference.

"Yes... Thank you."

Pulling off the tab, Law took a sip. The bittersweet taste calmed his heart, and he let out a deep breath. He heard Kid do the same.

They remained silent, the words each wanted to speak trapped in their minds. Law kept his gaze on the scenery outside the window, listening to the faint sounds of the trains running through the station.

The last train was going to depart soon. If he left now, he should be able to catch it. He just needed to say what he wanted to say, then bid the other man goodbye. If he didn't get things moving, it would never end.

Gripping the warm can in both hands and keeping his gaze out the window, Law finally spoke.

"...I heard that you've broken up with your girlfriend..."

Law's voice sounded weak and pathetic to his own ears.

Kid made no reply, and Law slowly turned to see the other man frowning at him.

He knew he should comfort Kid about his loss, but he also knew that would only complicate things.

That was how it had always been. He always screwed things up because he let his emotions get the better of him. It was pathetic, unforgivable, and utterly shameless.

He felt truly sorry. He hadn't meant to make Kid unhappy. He claimed to love Kid so much, yet he couldn't even understand a single thing about the man.

Despite that, Kid smiled and reached out, running his fingers through Law's hair, and with that, the tears flowed.

Law rubbed them away angrily with his sleeve.

"Trafalgar."

Law turned his gaze, blurry with tears, to Kid, just in time to see him pull out a thin gold chain from a brown pouch.

It was the gold chain from that day.

_'It can't be.'_

Law's eyes fell to the items hanging from the chain.

"...Why...?"

He'd assumed Kid had thrown it away. That he would never see it again.

"Why...? Why didn't you throw it away...!?"

"Because it's not something to be discarded."

It was the matching rings Kid had bought for them. Those cheap toy rings that cost a mere 300 yen. Now, both of them hung together from the same chain.

Kid took one of Law's hands and placed the rings on his palm, just like how he did on the day he bought them.

"It's not your fault that I broke up with her."

"...Then why...?!"

"Because I realized that you are more important to me than she is."

He saw Kid's hands reach over, cupping his face and wiping the tears away.

He didn't understand.

Those were the words he'd longed to hear.

That he'd fought so hard for all this while.

For Kid to choose him.

"...Do you really want me...?"

His tears continued to flow, wetting Kid's hands as the other drew him close, resting their foreheads together.

"I should be the one asking, do you want me...?"

Of course he did.

Law had always loved him, always chased after him. Reveled in being able to hold his hand, to fill his room with presents from him, to meet him, talk to him, smile with him, fool around with him, have petty quarrels with him.

Even in those ordinary days, he had loved Kid.

Even when he had told him he wanted to propose to his girlfriend.

Even when Kid had found out about his feelings.

Even when he'd forced himself to leave the man.

He'd just wanted Kid to see him, wanted to have a small space in Kid's heart just for him.

In his desire for that, he had struggled, gotten hurt, sacrificed the happiness of others.

He could have given up, but in the end, he'd always chosen to return to Kid. There was simply no one else who could take his place.

Law nodded, placing his hands over Kid's.

The redhead smiled, even as his eyes glistened with tears.

In the darkness of the car, the two closed the final distance between them, lips touching in a soft kiss.

"If you want me...if you still love me, will you be my boyfriend, Trafalgar?"

To everyone else, this was just one of countless love stories repeating itself all the time, around the globe.

Just a tiny, insignificant story in a tiny city on this planet.

But to Trafalgar Law, it was the most important story of his life.

He'd fallen and gotten back up countless times, always striving, getting hurt, wishing.

And now, Eustass Kid was finally in his arms.

The one he loved was here, Kid's larger body enveloping him in an embrace.

There was no greater happiness.

"Love you... I love you, Eustass-ya... I love you... Always have, always will..."

The words came as easily as the tears. He must look a mess now, and when they look back on this in the future, Kid would surely tease him about it.

The ring Kid had placed upon his finger glittered as bright as the one on Kid's own.

This was their treasure, something more priceless than any expensive jewelry.

_'I love you.'_

"I love you too, Trafalgar."

**-Till you say you love me: fin-**

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Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)


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